Great is Thy Faithfulness

My head was buried into his chest. . . eyes closed. . . tears rolling down my cheeks. His strong arms were around me. My voice full of fear and worry asking him all the "What Ifs". His voice was tender, gentle, reassuring and strong, "We don't need to worry about how this looks in the eyes of the world. That is just pride. Our future is brighter than ever. Spiritually, we are at a better place than we've ever been."

I know all these things. . . I just needed reassurance. This was Saturday as I wept in my sweet husband's arm.

God has always, always been so very faithful.

A little less than two years ago our house payment was paid. Jon had sent out over 100 resumes. There was very little money in the bank. . . certainly not enough to make our house payment the next month. God provided Jon with really the best corporate job he has ever had. . . right at the last minute. Two days before Jon got his job someone showed up at my door and gave me a card. I opened it up and someone had anonymously given us $1000.00. To this day, we have no idea who it was. . . just someone being the hands of Jesus.

We still depend on our business money though to meet our financial obligations. The business was low. Here we are at the brink again. Jon sells his truck. Again, God's provision. . . right at the last minute.

It seems like we go through the business money quickly. Unfortunately, we need my income, Jon's full-time income, and the business money. When Jon was out of a job for a year and the real estate market crashed, it really set us back. Some of our poor financial decisions doesn't help out either. Fast forward several months (not sure of the time frame). . . again, business money is low. . . this is becoming a familiar pattern. Jon and Greg put the house they had been working on for months on the market. I put it on there on a Friday. By Tuesday we had an offer. By Thursday we had a contract. Once again, God has remained ever so faithful.

You'd think by this time my faith would be strong as a giant. I waiver. My emotions get the best of me and I cave into fear. This was me Saturday.

Fast forward to now. . . here we are yet again. . . however, this time. . . no house on the market. We have 3 that need to be, but none are close. As I drove to my sister's house yesterday my prayer was very simple, "Lord, I don't even know what to pray. We don't know what to do, but we look to You. Please provide a way. . . a way where You receive all the glory and honor. "

Jon calls me about 3:00 that afternoon. Normally with his job they do their reviews/assessments during the time of their anniversary. For Jon, that would be July. This year, however, his job decided to do them in April (which we had no idea). Jon's boss told him the most raise his job would allow this year was 4%. However, his boss went to bat for him and gave him a 5-1/2%. They had to rigamaroo (not his bosses' words, but mine) things around a bit to get around the 4% cap, but they wanted Jon to be rewarded for his hard work. Last year at his review his boss told him he'd never worked with anyone who had as much integrity as Jon. (Jon would not want me saying this, but I'm so proud of him). Yet, again, God has been ever faithful.

Although I am as stubborn and faithless as an Israelite wandering through the dessert, I'm so thankful for these times. Without these times, we would never see just how much God really does provide in a land of self-sufficiency and abundance (I'm talking United States here). I'm thankful for how we have to depend on God to help us meet our obligations. . . not because we're "super spiritual" (I say that because I don't want anyone to ever think that Jon and I think we have it all figured out. . . b/c we both are very far from that) but simply because we have to. I'm so thankful God loves us so much to allow these things to invade our lives. . . situations where He shows His faithfulness, His love for us, and it is all for His glory. . . that He is ever so faithful. . . even when we waiver, even when our faith is shaky, even when we cave to fear.

With a thankful heart . . . praise His glorious name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In Everything

It all started in Kindergarten. . . wanting to be the first girl to have all of her letters memorized. I actually remember when it got to the inflatable "M" man.

Then in second grade when I was the first one to finish my written work. . . I had taken so much time to follow all the directions, write neatly, and then handed it in to my teacher. She put it in a crate marked "Board" work. I thought it said "bad" work. I was truly devastated. . . obviously. . . I'm 35 and still remember it.

I went from "needing improvement" when I first tried out as a majorette in high school and being placed as an alternate to being the feature twirler and twirling knives my senior year.

I worked two jobs in college and still made good grades.

I've just always been an overachiever. . . in everything I do.

Unfortunately/fortunately that bleeds over into my spiritual life as well. . .

I love memorizing whole books/chapters of the Bible.

I love discipling young women.

I am so in awe that I get to teach my children God's Holy word.

I want to volunteer and help restore young women who are victims of sex slavery.

I want feed the poor, help the hurting.

I want to go and evangelize with my precious friend, Jenn B.

I want to help my mother in law with my father in law.

I want to go to Uganda and love on the street children, hug the untouchables.

I want to teach the women of Uganda the word of God. . . teaching them to love Him with all of their being, teaching them His commandments, teaching them how to study God's word for themselves.

I want to write letters weekly to my friends in Guyana. I want to send them Bible studies on a consistent basis.

I want to write our Compassion child, Jay-Ju, weekly, telling him how much I love him even though I've never seen his face, assuring him that I pray for him, and I'd love the day when my whole family could meet him face-to-face.

My mama reminds me, "Michele, you can't save the world."

Yes, but can't I save one person's world? Can't Christ, through me, save one person's world?

I don't want to live a life in vain. I don't want to live void of purpose. I want my life to count for eternity.

At times these things weigh heavy on my heard and mind, and I just get plain exhausted. The other day I was there. To the point of tears. I was on the phone with Jon as he was going to work. I get so overwhelmed I feel like I'm drowning, so afraid of disappointing my Lord. . . I collapse. The thing is Christ has done it all for me. I know this. I know this. Yet, I struggle. . .

Jon reminded me, "Michele, there is no peace in that."

Yes, I know.

Me: "I just can't do it all."

Jon: "The good thing is. . . you don't have to."

After hanging up with my precious husband, I then fell into the arms of my Savior. . . asking His forgiveness of doing things in my strength, of allowing a burdensome load. . . a load that is not of Him (Matt 11:30). Telling Him how much I love Him, telling Him I want my life to matter for Him. He reminded me I don't have to do all things (now I'm not talking about clear commandments in scripture here. . . please don't misunderstand me). The Holy Spirit reminded me of the Scriptire, "Whether then, you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31.

In the multiple trips to the grocery store. . . do all to the glory of God.

Referring fights between my kids. . . do all to the glory of God.

Fellowshipping with my friends. . . do all to the glory of God.

Discipling my children and young women. . .do all to the glory of God.

Morning phone calls with my mama . . . do all to the glory of God.

Working at 4:00 a.m. . . . do all to the glory of God.

Watching a movie with my husband . . . do all to the glory of God.

Going to Uganda. . . do all to the glory of God.

Praying for lost souls. . . do all to the glory of God.

The way we spend our money. . . do all to the glory of God.

In that (do all to the glory of God) is peace my friends. . .

For the Girls

Tonight our church had our annual Christmas program. It's always really good, but honestly, I just wasn't in the mood. My heart is struggling right now, and I'm trying to work through some things in my own head. Anyhoo, Ash, Hanna, and I went to the grocery store this afternoon, got home and unpacked the groceries. It was 5:50 and the girls begged to go to the Christmas program. I took them. We arrived just in the nick of time and even got a good seat.

Boy, the Lord always knows how to meet us at our point of need. The Lord knows my heart, actually better than I know it myself. He knows those things that hurt my heart and the questions I have in my own head of the one that is hurting it. But, He met me exactly where I needed to be met through this wonderful production. Our choir did an outstanding job. I haven't been to worship this good since the Travis Cottrell concert a few months back. My very favorite part was when the lights were off and the choir filed the sanctuary with lighted candles. . . .the whole entire thing really was amazing.

I told each of my girls during the program, "I'm so glad you wanted to come."

And now my heart is full.

Full of the Lord's goodness.

Full of the Lord's grace.

Full of the Lord's mercies.

Full in only a way He can meet me. Praise His glorious name!!!!

It's 6:00 a.m.

I haven't forgotten about blogging. It seems when I am the busiest, blogging is put to the side. I have oh.so.much to blog about . . .as normal. However. . .

Right now, it is 6:00 a.m. and I AM NOT WORKING, which is what (Mon-Sat) I am always doing. While I'm on the subject of work, for the last 3 years or so I have HATED, DESPISED, and all the other words that go along with those, my job. I dare even say at times I've even been bitter about working. However, as the Lord has given and taken away and given again, my heart has changed. . . I'm actually liking working. I tell Jon that often. I have great bosses (I have 2 typing jobs). The dictators are great and I'm grateful. I think it is our degree of gratefulness that makes a difference in our attitudes towards the things we do or have to do. Even Tuesday as we had lunch with Granddaddy he was thinking about his mother (who is in her 90s and still living). The thing that he admired and thought of her the most was her hard work for her family. Now, I know I'm not on a farm picking cotton or tobacco as she was . . . however my candle does burn at both ends of the night . . . and if this causes my children and husband to "rise up and call me blessed" then I'm grateful. If it doesn't, then I'm grateful as well. Hard work was always stressed in my family, and the fact that for 3 years I HATED it and probably at times made my family miserable with my attitude about my job. . . I'm ashamed of. Praise God for his glorious grace and for Him sanctifying me through and through.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. This is NOT what this post is about. I'm not working, but what I am doing is listening to Veggie Tales. .. WOW! It's been awhile since I've heard that catchy tune playing. . . with an 8, 11, and 14 year old in the house that show no longer captures their attention. I'm here at my little sister's house. .. .3 hours from home. .. . keeping my precious niece Emory. Oh she makes my heart smile. She is adorable, and I'm so thankful to be here keeping her. Kristen has had her 2nd baby. . . Emmett . .. and he is adorable. I think adorable runs in our genes (along with cellulite, but we'll focus on the positives right now, K?) We've come here to keep Emory and do whatever in the world Kristen needs me to do while she is in the hospital. I'm grateful. Pictures WILL be coming SOON! For now, though, I'd better run. Emory is doing the sign (they are teaching her sign language) for "more". . . I think that means she wants breakfast. And, when she takes her nap and I run on the treadmill I will now be singing the song "because I love my duck . .. ." The good 'ole days of "Veggie Tales".

With a grateful heart,

Michele

I wish I'd been home doing laundry

So last night we went to a football game to see my niece and nephew play football/flag twirl at halftime. Being a majorette in high school, I absolutely LOVE football games. I was really excited to go, and I was excited because Gigi had told me earlier in the week that Amy (my sister-in-law) was excited as well.

Very rarely do I meet a stranger. I can talk to anyone about anything. I'm warm and I'm friendly and I really do believe everyone that I meet likes me. That's not to sound arrogant, trust me. . . I have tons of insecurities. . .but the things I do well, I'm aware of. . .and being the people lover that I am, I know that I don't have a difficult time with social situations.

All that being said. . .

My brother-in-law, Lee, whom I love like my very own brother, got married 5 years ago to Amy. I was instantly warm, friendly, etc., etc. to Amy. I felt I was very welcoming. . . blah!blah!blah! However, I've never felt she really liked me.

Now, before you start thinking I'm all paranoid and such and needy of needing everyone I meet to like me. . . I know NOT everyone likes me. . . nor do I need for them to. However, at least pretend for me, k? It's not only me who thinks she doesn't like me, Jon sees it and so do other family members.

So, knowing that she was excited about the football game, I sent her a facebook comment letting her know we were excited as well. She responded very nicely. (I was thankful she didn't ignore it).

At the game, however, we were all standing there, and she walks up to everyone, very excited, and speaks to everyone BUT me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was like I wasn't even there.

Honestly, I was fuming on the inside. I know that is not very Christlike, and I am ashamed of being so feisty. . . but that's how I acted.

I was pretty peeved. I just hate the rejection I feel from her. I've never done anything to her, but be nice. And, if I have done something I want to know what it is, so I can fix it.

Again, its clearly obvious she doesn't care for me.

Jon said he thinks I'm too "sunshiny" for her. That really doesn't matter.

What does matter is my attitude. . .

Which, honestly, was horrible. I was standoffish the rest of the night. The girls and I left at halftime, and I almost didn't say goodbye to her. I did find her and she was very nice when I told her goodbye. But, the whole time I'm fuming about how I've been trying for the last 5 years to be kind to her, to get to know her, etc., etc., and I feel rejected every.single.time. She clearly doesn't like me. The Holy Spirit kept bringing the scripture to my mind found in the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5-7) . . ."If you only love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" Ouch! I am commanded to love her and to pray for her, which I failed miserably at last night.

I went home and and sought the Lord's grace and repented over my actions and over my heart attitude. I was very much ashamed of how I let my flesh win this battle. I know though that God's grace is greater than ALL my sin, and for that, I'm thankful.

12 Things I Discovered/Rediscovered About Myself

1. I rediscovered I really do like the latest fashions. For about 2 plus years now, really since reading "Radical", followed by "Crazy Love", preparing for my first mission trip and going, I was so very convicted about excess. So, when I did need clothes I have shopped only at thrift stores. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I'ver never been a "brand-name" girl. I've always been a Bargain Betty even in my most fashionista of days. However, over the last 2+ years things like fashion haven't been as important to me. All that is good, very good. However, with the change of the seasons I went the other day to a few stores around town. There were lots of clearance sales and the clothing was oh, so, cute . . .and not dated. So, I splurged on my self a little bit. . . spending anywhere between $3 and $11. I got a skirt, a dress, and 5 shirts. I did feel a tinge of guilt.. . but I think that was from myself. . . which there are times when I have tendencies to walk in guilt. Now, if there was someone in my life who was in need and I went shopping rather than helping them out then there is something wrong with that. . . something terribly, terribly wrong with that. However, is there something wrong with me splurging on myself a little with clearance sales? Still trying to figure that one out. However, on a lighter and much less serious note. . I did discover/rediscover how much I really do like cute clothes and putting them on and feeling pretty. Very fun!

2. I discovered just how much I like nachos with cheese. I kept trying to demonstrate to Hanna how NOT to get it all over your face (which hers was covered). It was really just an attempt to get to eat more and more of the nachos.

3. I rediscovered just how much I LOVE watching this girl on the soccer field, how much I love being a soccer mom, how I love the fire Ash has in her. . .her tenacity, her grace, her encouraging her other team mates.

4. I discovered that Ash tilts her head to the side just like her mama when posing for a picture. 'Cept I tilt to the other side.

5. I discovered just I don't mind being apart of the "peanut gallery" and sitting with the opposing team. We got a MUCH BETTER VIEW of the field that way.

6. I discovered that at art and craft fairs that I don't buy anything because everything I see I say to myself (and sometimes out loud) "I can make that."

7. I rediscovered just how much I like chocolate chips. I used to keep a bag in teh pantry and I'd sneak 1, 2, or 30 to get my chocolate "fix" taken care of. I bought some chocolate chips for next week when we will have Faith's kids over for a few nights so the girls could make cookies. Confession - HALF the bag is gone because I rediscovered how yummy these morsels are. Gotta go and buy some more before Wednesday.

8. I rediscovered it's okay to give myself grace. This morning I was so sleepy while working. I worked for about 2 hours, and then at 7:00 a.m. crawled back into bed and slept until 9:15. I can probably count on one hand how many times my kids have gotten out of teh bed and found me still in it. It was absolutely lovely.

9. I discovered that reduced fat cinnamon rolls only have 130 calories WITH the icing. So, I treated myself to one for breakfast this morning.

10. I rediscovered just how much I do love small towns. In a perfect world my dream would be to be a teacher (probably high school 'cause I love teenagers) in a small town, my kids go to school, and us be super-involved in the school and community. . . especially high school football. Seeing the band and majorettes today at the parade took my mind back down memory lane. Oh, I'm actually one of those girls that loved high school. Granted, I made MANY mistakes, some I really wish I could get do-overs with. . . but, for the most part I really loved high school. However, I'm grateful to be at home and homeschooling my babies.

11. I discovered I could learn so much from my dog. He always greets you like he hasn't seen you in decades. He doesn't pout because we don't play with him enough, give him enough attention, or walk him enough. . . but boy when we do he is so giddy. We never get on his nerves and he loves being with us.

12. I rediscovered just how much I love outside, live bands playing oldies. We walked past one today and they were playing "China Grove". . . oh, oh, "China Grove". . . oh, how I just wanted to pull up a chair, hang out, and listen to the live music (nothing distasteful though - if "China Grove" is distasteful I didn't know it and I'm sorry. . . just remembering hearing it on 8-tracks when I was a kiddo).

Frustrating Thursday

The Lord was so very good to me at the beginning of the week. Well, He's been so good to me today. . . everyday. . . but at the beginning of the week I'd gotten some very sweet words of encouragement from friends and Jon, nothing particular or spectacular. . . just a sweet text or a sweet facebook message, or a sweet word at church. I thanked the Lord for sending me that encouragement, and I knew full well I needed to hold onto it.

It's been a rough few weeks. My sister and I really aren't speaking. No need to hash out the details. We each have our perspectives and our "sides" of the story, and each of our perspectives is our very own reality. So, of course, that has been a small dagger in my heart. Forgiveness has abounded, so we'll see how the hurts and wrongs pan out. I actually send her a FB message yesterday, she replied back today, to which I replied. Hopefully as is over and things will resume to normal soon. We'll see.

Then, Alec and Ashley have been fighting like CRAZY!!! I've been so patient, encouraging them each with the Word, listening to each one's struggles with the other. Yet, today I blew my gasket and it went off loudly. I don't think I've blown up like I did today in about two years. Let's just say we all were in tears. Terrible, terrible day. But, I've had it and I'm fed up!!! They now know it. And, of course the terrible mother guilt you feel afterwards is almost unbearable!!!

I also meet with my other "girls" on Thursdays. . . girls in my Sunday School class. I was just so frustrated. . . none of them had done their homework. Soooooo, we had nothing to discuss. One of them is pretty faithful to the Word. One is so-so, and I don't think the other one has even answered one question in her book. It is just such a challenge to get these girls in the Word and the Word in them. They are all very excited at the beginning, but then allow so many other things to steal them away. I had to be pretty tough with them, which I DON'T LIKE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I even feared sharing truth in love with them, because that is how the fallout with Melissa happened (well, from my side of the story anyway). But, I knew I had to!!!! I basically told them if we were meeting just to meet and hang out and we aren't trying to grow and become more Christlike then we were wasting everyone's time. I even asked them if they thought it was time to stop meeting. I have a precious girl who has asked me to disciple her. You have to WANT Him!!!! I can't make anyone DESIRE the Lord!!!! Of course, they want to continue meeting and we all brainstormed and offered suggestions as to be better time managers, etc. We'll see how next week goes. Question and please, please answer if you have the slightest inkling of an answer. At what point do you just stop? If the girls aren't in the word, aren't praying, and just want to come and hang out. . . at what point do you say it's time that this ends????? Lydia, a young woman I am discipling told me that her youth pastor (who discipled her) told them they had to take a test every week and if you made below an 80 you could no longer come. He wanted to invest his life in the ones that desired Christ and not just a time of chatting about their problems. Can you sense my frustrations? There is a discipleship conference coming up at our church, and I'm excited to learn more.

However, I'm about to head out and meet some friends for dinner. I can't wait for "girl time". It is so good for the soul. One is my friend, Lisa. . . one of my oldest and dearest friends. It's been so very long for us to hang out and laugh together. . . so I'm off.. . .hoping my frustrations turn into belly-rolling, make your stomach hurt laughter.

Where this leaves us?

I feel like the more I share truth the more people I lose in my life. Man, that is so.very.hard for a people lover.. . a person who truly means it when I say I love someone. When I share my heart with someone I get attached very deeply. It is no longer a surface thing for me. About a year and a half ago this happened. I lost someone very dear to me. I was just actually sharing truth with her about some things other people had said. It wasn't even Biblical truth, just some things I thought she should know so she would understand why I was responding the way that I was. Now. . . 1-1/2 years later, thankfully forgiveness has taken place and all is well. However, the bond that we once shared is broken. Will it ever be restored? I'm not really sure. I've rested that in the Lord's hands. Maybe we were just apart of one another's lives for "such a time as this". Anyway, I'm just so very grateful there are no more hard feelings, and I'm grateful for the 8 years of friendship we shared. We even met at the pool once this summer and the kiddos played and we chatted. It wasn't weird or awkward. It was actually good. I've come to peace with the way things are now and I'm sure she has to. HARD though .. . . very.very.very HARD





Well, this has taken place once again except the wound was much deeper, and it happens to be with my sister. I don't think she reads my blog or otherwise I wouldn't be posting this. I knew something was up with her when I would try to share about Guyana with her. It was obvious she didn't want to hear it. I mean she was good with me telling her stories of customs, Kathleen, etc. (all of which I will share on here soon), but when it came to stories of the heart, ways God had convicted me. . . she just didn't want to hear it. She was never ugly or mean, just obvious. I tried to be sensitive to this.





About 2 weeks ago she was having a really rough day. I got really personal and asked her how her walk with the Lord was. . .and from there shared His words with her, not my own (because He promises His will not return void). I even shared with her my own struggles and my own convictions. If anything I was putting myself down, certainly not elevating myself. From there, it just went downhill. She said some things to me that hurt me deeply. No need to rehearse those things on here. Let's just say the knife went deep and it hurt. . . to the point of tears. I don't know what her intent was. . . if she was just angry with what I was sharing and so she wanted to hurt me. . . OR if she really believes those things about me. When I hung up the phone I knew instantly things had changed. She did send me a text apologizing for hurting my feelings, not for the things she had said. However, true biblical forgiveness doesn't ask for an apology or even need an apology. I'm still such a work in progress. A man I have a lot of respect for once said to me, "I make it a habit to forgive as soon as I'm offended.. . . to which often times I forget the offense. There is power in forgiveness." It is also a command from our Lord. Because if we are to forgive as the Lord forgave us then we remember the offense no more. . . therefore, the relationship should be restored back to normal, if not closer because of restoration is such an act of love.





Oh boy have I prayed, searched my heart, asked the Lord to search my heart, to convict me. The very last thing I want to be is the words she spoke to me!! My heart was truly to help and encourage her. I think that's why I was so hurt. Don't get me wrong, I know I can be a snot, but usually I know when I'm doing it and I actually mean to be doing it. Not this time.





I've actually made efforts to call her. I hate distance and fighting. I really do grovel back to people to seek restoration. We will talk. Things are surfacey. We even saw one another Sun. night to celebrate James' birthday. I could tell she was trying to be "normal" with us. I, on the other hand, didn't have very much to say. Not because I am mad at her. Simply because I don't know what to say. I have a really hard time with being close to someone and feeling like certain things are "off limits" for conversation. This is how our relationship is for now. So, my question to myself is "Have I truly forgiven her?" Obviously I'm trying to navigate her feelings and not say certain things based on the things she said to me. Is forgiving forgetting?





I tried calling her yesterday so we could talk about these things. She didn't answer. I sent her a message via Facebook. I really hated to do that, but if she's not going to talk to me I had to tell her how much I missed her and how much I hate this distance. I even called her husband. He didn't answer my call either. Parts of the message where very direct, but needed to be said. But the overall message was that I love her and miss her . . . plain and simple. She never responded.





I just cried and cried to Jon yesterday telling him my frustrations. Very few people actually really want to talk about the Lord. Very few people really want to struggle together. So many people are offended when you really start to share what God is doing in your.actual.heart. . . where HE is convicting you, where HE is growing you, where HE is moving and working. People want to stay on the surface. But, if we are going to be effective in being His ambassadors, do we just stay on the surface? I don't think so. I'm at a point in my life. . . me. . . "Ms talk about anything or everything" that the superficial, surface talk I can't do anymore. I'm just quiet. So.very.unlike.me. . . . to be quiet, that is! Yet, I am finding the more truth you share, the more people you lose. And God so very gently reminds me I am still to share truth. . . to be salt and light. . and if that means I lose those I love dearly in the process. . . then I am to count ALL things as loss for the sake of knowing Him and for the glory of His name.

Dining at the Lord's Table

Our church takes communion the first Sunday of every month. I love this time of examination. However, since the children are now in the service with us, I've struggled about whether or not to let my children take communion. I would never want them to take of it in an unworthy manner, and I'm just not sure they understand the significance of it. We just started letting Ashley take communion (Alec has been taking it). However, I usually talk to them just about every time we take it and ask them did they examine their hearts and ask God to reveal sin in their lives. . .did they ask forgiveness?did they repent? and we always talk about taking the Lord's supper in an unworthy manner.

We don't let Hanna take it. Hanna has been saved, but I just don't think she quite understands the importance and significance of dining at the Lord's table. Sometimes this is hard for her. I always stress to her this does not make her saved or unsaved. In fact, one Sunday, it was so hard, she bowed her head and covered her ears the whole time during communion.

One day at the pool this summer I asked several of my friends their approach to communion and their children and they all pretty much said after their child has been saved, they allow them to partake. Honestly, I felt like an odd ball, but I knew my convictions. Not that they're wrong or I'm wrong, but it is just a personal conviction for me. I'd love to know any of your thoughts!

I still struggle whether or not Ash should be taking it. However, after today, the Lord really confirmed in my heart she is ready. Ash is starting to get at that age where she struggles with friendships. I know this is normal (since I work with teen girls) and I've really been trying to help her with her own heart issues. And, that's just it. . . it's not really her friends. . . it's her own heart issues. This morning as she and Hanna and I were cooking breakfast casserole together, we started talking about taking communion. I told her that she knew if she still had bitterness in her heart against some of her friends. . . if she had not repented and turned from it. . . if she was still struggling with that sin. . . that it's okay if she just passes the communion plate. . . it would be better for her NOT to take of it, then to take it with sin in her heart. She listened intently, but you just never know if they really take in your words or not.

This morning, she passed the plate. My eyes welled up with tears and I reached over and took her sweet hand. I so hate that she is struggling. I hate that she can't get over the bitterness within her own heart. Yet, I love her heart for the Lord. . . her desire to please Him. . . her knowing the seriousness and the depth of dining at His table and remembering what He did for us. What an example my sweet child was for her mother. I'm so honored the Lord chose me to be her mom. She blesses my heart so.

The Worst Neighbor EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I bet you clicked on this post thinking I was going to tell you about a horrible neighbor of mine.

Or, maybe you thought you'd get a good laugh and think this was another "Loser" story (actually I haven't seen her in a loonnnng time).

Nope, not that either.

Actually, this post is about yours truly.

Why in the world am I such a bad neighbor? When we lived in our first house we had Gary and Carolyn. They gave our kids Christmas presents, took pictures of them at Halloween. They were ALWAYS outside and I was always so overwhelmed and stressed with small children, work, housework, etc., that I always felt badly for really wanting to be inside my house (even when I would be outside chatting with them). They really were terrific neighbors!

In our last neighborhood everyone really kept to themselves. You'd see people here and there, but no one really went out of their way to greet you or speak to you.

Then, we move to this neighborhood. And we have Mr. and Mrs. C. They are absolutely wonderful.

**One time I was in our local paper when I came in 1st overall female in a local race. She clipped out the article and brought it to me.

**Another time she brought the kiddos a whole bunch of highlighters.

**There was the time when she made us homemade monkey bread and brought it over piping hot before we started school. We annihilated that thing I'm telling you!

Then, there was today. The kids had gone with Gigi and Granddaddy. I was getting ready for church. I hear the doorbell ring. I look out my bedroom down and down the stairs. I see her and she has something in her hands. I really just felt so bad about myself andy my bad neighbor skills that I didn't want to see her. I knew Mr. Rogers would be super disappointed in me in what I was about to do. . .

I let her ring the doorbell over and over.

I never answered the door.

I pretended like I wasn't home.

Awful, awful. . . I know. I really felt badly, but I was thinking "Maybe I can bake her a cake and take it over to her before she has a chance to come back over with whatever she has for us." Seriously.. . . that is WHAT I was thinking.

Less than 5 minutes later I hear the kids storming through the house, "Mama, mama, Mr. and Mrs. C are going to Israel for 2 weeks. Look what they brought us. They said they've missed us."

Made me feel like absolute grad-doo.. . partly because I'm a bad neighbor.. . partly because I got busted about not answering the door.

My original plan today (since I'm such an anal planner and all) was to go to the grocery store before church. However, I bucked the plan and went over and visited my sweet neighbor. I apologized about how awful I am. . .and I thanked her over and over again for being so incredibly sweet.

We talked and I learned she's from Casablanca. Has family in Paris and Israel. She has led quite an exciting life!!! Here is this Southern gal who thinks living in the South is just the best place in the world!!!

Hopefully I'll do better. I really hope I do. Part of me says 'I doubt it', I think I'm just not good neighbor material. I'm going to try though. . . really, really try like 'little engine that could' try, "I think I can, I think I can" be a better neighbor. I'm telling you if Mr. Rogers had me for a neighbor he'd totally rethink his song. He'd never say, "I have always wanted to have a neighbor just.like.you. I've always wanted to live in the neighborhood with yooouuu . . . "

Maybe if I start playing Mr. Rogers' CDs I will somehow subliminally become a better neighbor? Whatdoya think?

I Miss Him So. . .

Confession time. . . I don't go to see my Grandmama as much as I should. I know she has my Dad, Aunt Sharon, and Aunt Wanda.

I know I need to go see her. But, I think I aviod it sometimes because it just makes my Papa's death all the more real to me.

I miss him. His picture sits on my desk and I'll look at it and just smile.

I miss his energy.

I miss his vigor and zest for life.

I miss hearing him talk about the Lord.

I miss his presence.

I miss hearing him say "Shuggahh".

I miss his funniness.

I miss seeing him jump up when I walk through their door.

I miss hearing him talk to Jon about sports, especially the Braves.

However, a few weeks ago I saw apart of him. My friends and I were serving a meal at a local homeless shelter. We knew our mission was not to serve these people food. Our mission was to share Christ with them.

I met this lady and this is the conversation that occured.

Me: "Are you a follower of Christ?"

Her: "Oh yeah, oh yeah, I sure did."

Me (with pep and enthusiasm. . . I think I may have jumped a little bit): "Oh you can't just did, you got to does!!!!!!!!!!! You've got to follow Him everyday."

Her: "Oh yeah, yeah. . . that's what I meant. I've been cleaning and trying to move into my house. Oh yeah, I follow Jesus. Um huh."'

Honestly, I really botched the whole witnessing thing. I really should have asked her "What is the Gospel?" But I learned. . .and I did share the Gospel with a little girl there.

However, this exchange between this lady and myself. . . my reaction, my words, my tone of voice. . . I saw my Papa. It was exactly like something he would have said/done.

It made me smile that part of him lives in me!

159. For the life my Papa led.

160. For my Papa's unashamed love for the Lord.

161. For the Gospel.

162. For 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances.

163. For grace.

Are Christians ANY Different from the World?

Just look at the church. . . and then, take a good look at the world.

Are they really ANY different?

Scripture clearly tells us we are NOT to love the world (1 John 2). As I've thought about this question. . . do we, as Christians, look any different from the world. . .here's what I've come up with. . .

Look at our homes. . . our homes look like the rest of the world. . . in fact, most of us . . . and I would almost dare to say ALL of us here in the United States have much bigger homes than MOST of the world. I had girl in my home from Estonia who told me my home looked like a castle. . . made me queasy to my stomach. So many in the world live in shacks, yet we think we have to keep . . . in the words of George Jefferson (remember the show, "The Jeffersons"?) .. . 'movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the s-s-k-k-y-y-y-y'.

Look at what we spend our money on. . . we have closets FULL of clothing, yet must buy more. Sure we throw out all sorts of excuses.

**I want to be in style with the latest fashions.

**I just don't have ANYTHING that fits me right.

**I just wanted to buy a few things just to make me feel better. I've had a really tough week, you know?

** I know I don't need anything, but I just couldn't pass up this bargain.

Look at how much we spend in groceries. There are people out there starving. Mothers don't know how they are going to feed their babies their next meal and yet, we, plan our menus accordingly to the things that satisfy our taste buds more than our need for food. So many people in the world live on 1 meal a day. . . yet, here in America, we have to make sure we get the 3 meals and 1 snack in or we feel otherwise deprived.

Let's look at our relationships. . .

**Someone who may not have so great a marriage, sees a little harmless flirting as 'no big deal'. . . after all the excuse is used that we need to feel good about ourselves, then that harmless flirting may turn into much more. . . maybe then their thought life is preoccupied with the person of the opposite sex. A single person may be tired of being alone all the time, yet seeks their fulfillment in the opposite sex in order to "feel" loved. . .

What about our friendships/family relationships? We are wronged in some way or the other. Our feelings are crushed. We decide to totally cut off contact with someone who is our brother or sister in Christ. Matthew 5 clearly outlines how we are to treat our enemies. . . if we are slapped, we are to turn the other cheek. . . if our enemy makes us go 1 mile with him, we are to go 2. . . if our enemy takes our cloak, we are to give him our shirt also. If we are commanded to treat our ENEMIES this way, then how much more should we treat our brothers and sisters in Christ? After all the 2nd greatest commandment is to love our neighbor as OURSELVES! Question. . . do we REALLY do this???? As Christians . . . followers of Christ. . . "little" Christs (that's what the word Christians mean) do our actions imitate him . . . really?truly?

1 John 2:15-16 commands "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world."

Lust of the flesh. . . that is what our excess is here in America. We have God-give desires that we MUST have. . . food, clothing, shelter, and love. The lust of the flesh is when we have taken these God-given desires and have perverted them. . . we lust after bigger and better and nicer homes, clothing. Just took a look at the grocery store or in a restaurant of the gluttony that takes place. . . love is perverted when we seek to fill our love tanks outside of God's design.

Let's look at the lust of the eyes. Question. . . what do you allow your eyes to see that sets itself up against the knowledge of our God (2 Cor.10:5). . . what do you look at that offends OUR God? Take a personal inventory here.. . what shows do you watch on TV, what movies do you watch, what books do you read, what do you look at on the internet, what music do you listen to, what do your conversations center around, what activities do you partake in? Examine these things. . . sexual humor, making light of sin in a funny way, grossly partaking in sin and making it look glamorous, violence. . . anything like this in what you set before your eyes? Psalm 101:3 tells us, "I will set before my eyes no evil thing." TV in itself brainwashes us into how we treat others. We're told to 'get them back', 'cut them off', 'say hurtful things about them', 'dog eat dog', 'every man for himself'.

What about the boastful pride of life? Ever try to elevate yourself above another person?. . . ever try to make yourself feel better by noting all the things you do better than other people?. . . ever try to deal with your jealousy by just changing your mind-set and noting what you have that is better that someone else?. . . whether it be better-behaved, more respectful children, a better figure, a better job, a better home, a better wardrobe, a higher intellect, better social skills, better marriage, better friendships, more popularity, better singing voice, better musical talent, more driven, more self disciplined, being a better parent, homeschooling your children rather than sending them to school. . . the list could go on and on. . .

Sounds ALOT like the world, doesn't yet? Yet, that is the American church as a whole today. No wonder the world has no desire for Christ. We're trying to reach a lost world, yet we look JUST.LIKE.THEM. We watch the same movies, TV shows, read the same books, talk about the same things, partake in the same activites, live in excess, treat others JUST LIKE THE WORLD!!

Are we really and truly following Christ? We can't just say we are doing so in our hearts? It's not enough. (Francis Chan). The disciples didn't just follow Christ in their hearts. . . they did so with their actions!!!

Let's allow the Holy Spirit to transform our lives. Let's start looking more like Christ. Let's start living lives so that when other people see us they know Christ is in us. Let's adhere to a standard of holiness so that when a brother or sister is in sin, we can go to them and hold them accountable (it's hard to hold someone accountable when you're doing the same things). . . not because we are better than them. . . but because we LOVE them as love ourselves. . .

Let's get rid of the worldliness in our lives so that we will love Him with ALL of our hearts, ALL of our soul, ALL of our strength, and ALL of our minds!

So, what actions in your life make others see not the you in you, but the Christ in you?

133. For God's grace.

134. For growth.

135. For the Holy Spirit.

136. For the powerful word of the living God.

137. For Godly teachers who don't just talk the talk, but walk the walk.

Something is Wrong

Something is wrong . . . when we have so little time together as a family that family time seems out of the norm rather than the norm.

Something is wrong. . . when I spend more time serving the LORD than spending time with the LORD (through prayer, study of His word).

Something is wrong . . . when I'm so connected to people via facebook, twitter, blogging that I fail to see their real needs because I allow the "Internet" to suffice for communication rather than a telephone call or a visit.

Something is wrong . . . when I'm so busy that when I stop being busy I feel somewhat bored.

Something is wrong. . . when I'm so invested in other people that I fail to see how the hearts of my own children need shepherding.

Something is wrong . . . when an article states that between 75% to 80% of homeschooled children walk away from their faith when they enter college.

Something is wrong. . . when I spend endless amounts of money on my wardrobe, my accessories, my shoes when there are starving people all over the world.

Something is wrong . . . when I have so much stuff and a home with a lot of square footage that I have a hard time keeping it clean.

Something is wrong . . . when I judge others more than I love others.

Something is wrong. . . when I go almost an entire week without calling my mama.

Something is wrong. . . when I'm so busy that the only "free time" I have at home is when I'm sleeping.

Something is wrong. . . when I allow a minor dispute over things of God to interfere in a friendship.

Something is wrong. . . when I fail to let someone know they are missed when they are out of the fold.

Something is wrong. . . when I stop putting others before myself.

Something is wrong. . . when I fail to "read between the lines" and discern what people are REALLY saying.

Something is wrong. . . when I strive to please people more than I strive to please God.

Something is wrong. . . when I tend to hold onto things that offend my LORD and things that set themselves against the knowledge of my God (TV, music, movies, books, etc.

121. For spirtual growth.

122. For a patient, loving, compassionate, and merciful God.

123. For the Holy Spirit.

124. For Godly teachers and preachers.

125. For Godly friends.

126. For struggles.

127. For having more questions than I do answers.

128. For the word of God.

Lessons Learned

Just ask my mom. . . or my sisters. . . or Jon. . . you might even want to ask my closest friends . . . or my children.



They would all pretty much agree . . . I can be kinda hard-headed at times.



I tend to be the type of person who always sees the good in people.



Doesn't matter how they treat me.



Doesn't matter what kind of relationships they've had in the past.



Doesn't matter what behavior or patterns of behavior they have or currently have in their life.



I think I tend to like the wool pulled over my eyes. I've always said I'm not a very good discerner of people. . . now my mom, Jon, and Melissa. . . can nail a person DEAD ON within just minutes of talking to someone. IF I'd only listen.


Oh no, not me. . . I want to be everyone's friend. . . more importantly. . . I've come to discover recently. . . I want everyone to want to be MY friend!!! (sad truth, huh?)



I've learned some pretty hard lessons lately. Hopefully these will stick.



**Trust your gut. . . no matter how much you want someone to like you, don't just fall hook line and sinker for words people say. Anyone can flatter you. . . . not everyone is sincere though. . . no matter how sincere they try to be. . . if you've seen a pattern of relationships in their life. . . LEARN from that. It will save so much in the end!



**I really, really, really don't like rejection. . . I recently had a situation in my life that I was talking to my sister about. She told me my problem was not the situation. My problem was that I felt rejected and THAT is why this situation bothered me so badly. That girl hit the nail on the head! Problem was, I was sharing the truth and it made this person very angry. If I'm going to bold for Christ and follow Him NO MATTER WHAT THE COST, then I've got to get over this fear of rejection. . . because people WILL reject truth! Maybe through this situation the LORD is preparing me so I will get over this fear. . . I sure hope so!



**Sometimes when there is a lot of adversity in your life. . . it doesn't necessarily mean you're doing the wrong thing. Many times it means you're doing the RIGHT thing. You must simply persevere!



**I think I'm more of a discerner than I give myself credit for. Things that have happened in the last 4 months or so really confirm what I knew all along. . . just wasn't willing to admit.



**Sometimes it's best to just be silent. . . to not feel the need to defend no matter how badly you want to explain things from your perspective. People are going to believe what they believe. In the end, God knows the heart and THAT is what counts!!! There are situations in life where the fewer the words the better. . . HARD, HARD lesson for this wordy, chatty girl :) and for a girl who ALWAYS feels the need to defend herself.



**Sometimes life throws you hard blows, but after you come through the knockdown, you'll be grateful and see the purpose behind it.



**When I stop to reflect on things I can see times where God was trying to weed things out of my life. Again, I'm hard headed. If I would just let go and let God and not try to hold on so tightly, then it really all is for the better. . . for everyone involved!



Hopefully and prayerfully I can hammer the gavel down and say loudly, "Lessons Learned".

So This Morning . . .

Jon and I had to meet up with some of our friends. . . I love meeting up with friends, but not this morning.

Jon and I are apart of a team called, "Team Impact". We are organizing a 5K/10K and all the money will go to benefit missions.

Running - Check
Friends - Check
Missions - Check
Teamwork - Check

Trying to get sponsors? Can we uncheck that one?

Neither Jon nor I are salespeople . . . at ALL!!!

Now Doug, on the other hand, could sell ice to an Eskimo.

So, this morning I'm getting ready to meet up with "Team Impact" and I am just D-R-E-A-D-I-N-G this!!!

As I was getting ready I knew I had the wrong attitude. The LORD reminded me that. . .


***I could be getting ready to go and take care of someone who is sick.

***I could be getting ready to go visit someone in the hospital who is dying of cancer.

*** I could be getting ready for a funeral.

So. . . my attitude shifted from one of complaining (inwardly) to one of gratefulness.

Perspective . . .one little word that could totally sum up our outlook on life.

Angela H. and I pair up. Ash and Hanna go with us and, guess what?

WE HAD A GREAT TIME!!!

We did. We decided to kill several birds with one stone.

Like we went to the Sock Shoppe and shopped and asked for sponsorship.

We headed to Plant Emporium for Angela to check out some things for an upcoming wedding and asked for sponsorship.

We went to Chick-fil-A and had breakfast and . . . well, we didn't ask for sponsorship, but had a yummy breakfast.

86. For attitude adjustments.

87. For laughter.

88. For sponsors . . . hopefully.

89. For Chick-fil-A biscuits.

90. For my sweet girls.

One Million Arrows

Everyone has books on their bookshelves that are the books that are keepers. . . the books you won't depart with . .. the books that won't be thrown into the yard sale pile or the 'donate to Goodwill' pile. . . the books that you go back to time and time again to read, reread, scan for the parts you underlined. . . you guys know what I'm talking about? Well, I have one more book you MUST add to your collection.

The title is enough to catch your attention. . . "One Million Arrows". . .then you scan further down "Raising your Children to Change the World". . .Seems like every parents dream?Right? Yet, what an overwhelming and daunting task!!! I know there are certainly days I can't even get my kids to do their chores and schoolwork, much less gear them up to change the world. . .

YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!!!!

As I was reading this book I felt as if I was having dinner with a dear friend and we're talking back and forth how we want to make a difference for the kingdom of God, how we want to raise our children who love the LORD with all their hearts, souls, mind, and strength whose goal is changing the world for the LORD. Julie writes in such a way that she gives very practical ways to start you on your way to "raise children who change the world". I felt so very encouraged each time I would put the book down, yet also very geared up and determined.

So, what if you don't have children, or your children are grown and gone, or you think it's too late, or you're a single parent, trying to do it all on your own? This book is for you too!!!! You are still responsible for raising "arrows" for the "mission". It's never too late!!! Julie offers hope for you and let's you know what you can do to raise "arrows" .

She even goes further. . . what about your spiritual children? Yes, we all have spiritual children or at least SHOULD have spiritual children. These are the children who we aren't raising in our homes, loving on each and every day. These are the children that we play a part in their lives by either teaching, discipling, and/or supporting financially so they can be taught the Word. Again, you MUST read this book!!!

One more thing that I just love about this book. . . ALL the proceeds go to benefit an orphanage in Haiti!!! You know how I know Julie is legit and she's not just putting this out there trying to make people buy her book? Because she is living proof of a Mom raising "arrows" for the "mission". She tells a story how she and her husband, after building their dream house, sold it to build an orphanage in Haiti. She's the real deal!!!! Her story just spoke volumes to my heart (as those of you who've been reading my blog for awhile know my husband I bought our dream home a little more than a year ago)!!! She gave up the 'American Dream' to invest in eternity!!! WOW, WOW, and double WOW!!!

"Will the world change our children...or will our children change the world? Time is short and lives are at stake. Right now, God is inviting our families to become part of a bigger story—a vision that will engage hearts to make a radical difference. One Million Arrows is an inspirational call to raise our kids to impact their culture, community, and world for Christ. If we want our kids to discover their purpose, if we want them to live with passion for the Kingdom, if we want our family to go down in His-Story, accept the mission...and leave a mark for eternity." (Julie Ferwerda)

You can order her book from www.amazon.com or click on the toolbar on my blog to check out her web site. Please order and read. I promise, you will not have wasted a single penny. Your money will support orphans and. . . I can almost guarantee you. . . you, too, will be geared up to raise "arrows" for the "mission"!!!

The Busy Booger

She's been with me since I was 22 months old. I think my first words about her were, "Mama, get that baby out of my bed." We played a lot together as little girls.. . riding bikes, riding 4-wheelers (one time I actually ran over her head), jumping on the trampoline, playing Nintendo, watching TV, being at football games together (I was a majorette. She was on the drill team), going to the mall, stealing one another's clothes. We also fussed and bickered and even said we hated one another growing up. I'm the big sister she's always looked up too. She's the little sister who's loved me unconditionally. . . without fail.

We've fought over friends growing up. We even once dated the same guy (not at the same time). We've been mistaken as twins more times that we can count.

I remember my Grandmama telling me when I was a teenager, "One day you girls will be the best of friends." . . . "I'm NEVER going to be her friend," I said to her in my snottiest, brattiest voice.

Grandmama was right!!! She is one of the dearest and closest things to my heart. She can make me spit fire mad in a heartbeat. . . yet I'd give my very life for hers, without hesitation, in a heartbeat. I hurt when she hurts. I've cried more tears over her in the last 2 years (because of the pain she has gone through) than she'd ever know. I'm excited when she's excited. . . and when the two of us are together there is unmistakable bond between the two of us.

We can be in a room full of people and never speak 2 words to one another, yet it is known how close we are. We can be the silliest of the sillies when together or the serious of the serious. I safe with her. I always know she's on my side and she ALWAYS has my back!

About a week ago for 2 weeks prior to that I was super busy.. . more so than normal. I was trying to get ready for a homeschool fair plus pull off a surprise birthday party. You'd think I could have at least called her and said, "I love you. I'm sorry I'm so busy. I can't wait to see you."

Instead, she'd call me, and I'd be snappy. Ugggh, I so HATE that about myself. When I get in "so busy I can hardly think" mode, I tend to be snappy and snotty and just a plain booger to those I love most. . . I remember even snapping at my mom one morning. The next time she called I apologized for being a busy butthole (that is such an ugly word in my house).

So last week things were back to normal between the two of us. Sometimes talking 4 to 5 times a day, other times going a few days without talking. . . As we were "catching up", she told me, "I just cried to Scott telling him how much I missed you. I know you were busy, but I missed talking to you."

Let me tell you. . .

This BROKE.MY. HEART.!!!!

I told her how very sorry I was I made her cry and apologized for being such a booger when I'm so busy. I hate to the very core of my being hurting someone's feeling. This may sound honorable, but, trust me, I'm so guarded about other people's feelings, it is almost a character flaw on my part.

Thank goodness she loves me without fail. Otherwise, because of my ugliness, she'd written me off the first time she slept in my baby bed.

I love you Melissa!!! I promise from now on I won't get too busy to talk to you (Mama, that goes for you too:))

P.S. I also have a little sister, Kristen. I love Kristen dearly too. She and I both stay so busy and "get that" about one another. There I go, not wanting to exclude or hurt anyone's feelings, so I just wanted to tell Kristen (if you read this) I love you dearly and always love talking to you (even though it isn't as frequent as Mama or Melissa). You are my "bibbity, bobbity, boo".

While I really want

to be posting about a 5K I ran this weekend with my "Faithful Feet" running club which includes my Hanna's first 5K ever. . .

to be posting about the BEST surprise party of the year. . . that I actually pulled off (with the help of MANY loved ones) without a glitch. . .

to be posting about the Ultra Marathon that was run weeks ago. . . still unable to figure out quite the right words to put it in. . .

to be preparing a post for Mer's 10 on the 10th . . . which will include 10 posts in one along with lots of pictures.

to be posting about how I made someone cry. . . who is as part of me as my right arm is . . . and I totally didn't mean too.

to be posting about how much I'm learning in my discipleship group.

I really feel led to just blog about some growing pains I've experienced lately. Growing can sometimes be tough. Sometimes we lay on our backs with our feet in the air and swing our legs and arms back and forth and act like a 2-year-old, saying "I want this. I want that." Not necessarily meaning stuff (i.e. car, house, etc.). '

Sometimes we say things we really shouldn't be saying and "drag" people into situations that's really, really unfair to bring them into. . . then, we feel really lousy and we feel the need to apologize a gazillion times.

Sometimes we fret over situations and spend endless hours being mad, angry, guarded . . . all because somehow we get this notion that life is ALL about us.

Sad to say I've been that way this week. . . ugghhh!!!! Doesn't make me shine too bright or feel very good about myself. In fact, I really realize how rotten I am. I'm wasting all of this mental time and energy into trying to change a situation that is totally out of my control. The LORD very gently reminded me that if I was in His word and focused on the things He calls me to do, then all this selfish, pitiful stuff I've been wasting my time on is foolish. . . absolutely foolish. And, quite honestly, if I was in the Word enough, I really wouldn't be worried/upset/mad about this particular situation.

I think if we all took an inventory of ALL the things that occupy our mental and emotional efforts then we would realize that probably just about ALL of it is foolish. We should be focused on Christ and so full of Him that we just ooze all over the place with His love, His ways, His word.

I was having a conversation with my sister yesterday. She said something with such truth that itjust range volumes in my ears, "Michele, we should only bear our hearts to the only one who can change our hearts. You've spent all this time venting to me about this situation, yet you still feel the same way. Vent it to the Lord. He's the only one who change you." This I know, but I SOOOOOOOO needed this reminder.

Then today I get this forwarded email. Jon actually forwarded it to me and he normally doesn't even read these things. It had a saying on it that I think I'm going to make "wall words" out of and put in my kitchen.

"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God."

Words to live by. Words to live by.

Truth

"The truth hurts." "The truth shall set you free." These are all sayings we've heard all our lives. Today, something was said to me that was truth. . . yet it hurt. . . to the point of tears. I'm a pretty sentimental person, yet I don't easily cry at the drop of the hat. Normally when the tears start to flow it is usually a buildup of things within me. Most of the time it is the littlest of things that will set my tears in motion.

Today, that happened. I've been going through some things, dealing with all kinds of feelings. . . good, bad, and ugly. . . trying to sort through all of them . . . trying to have the attitude of Christ. . . which has been really tough. Something very little was said to me today. Thankfully Jon hadn't left yet. We were in the kitchen and I just let it loose. . . then my tears started falling.

My sweet husband very gently came to me, put his arms around me, and gave me his shoulder to cry on . . . and let me cry, and talk, and cry until I got out everything I needed too. I even had my dramatic attitude of, "I just need to go to St. Simons. I say we stay the whole summer!!! I really mean it! I'm not just saying that." Knowing I didn't really mean it. Then. . . we talked. I had a mix of emotions and so did he (cause he's my knight in shining armor and all). Some anger, mostly hurt feelings. But, in all honestly, this person was right. O-U-C-H!!! Don't you just hate when someone hurts your feelings and they're right?!?

It mainly revolves around my attitude. Jon then told me there is no way I can change my attitude. I can't will myself to do it. I can try, and then I will fail. I just needed to pray over this situation everyday, pray for all the people involved, give it over to God and be in His word. Then He would change my attitude (that is Christ, not Jon . . .hee!hee!)

So, needless to say I was a bit of a "Debbie Downer" today. Just a little mopey. . . until I got in the Word. God had a word of encouragement for me. . . in Psalm 34. Then, this afternoon I received a card in the mail.

It was actually a "belated thank you note" (in her own words). But I truly believe God knew I needed the truth of her words also. Her encouraging words, words that lifted my spirited and put a smile on my face. I believe although she thought this note to be "belated", God knew I would need her words on this day. . . because also I had some harder words that were tough to swallow earlier in my day.

Isn't it wonderful how God uses the people in our life? Some bring us hard truth that we don't like, but needs to be said. Some bring us encouraging words that lift our spirits. We need BOTH!!!

The truth does hurt, but the Truth (the truth of God's word) also sets us free!!!

My Toes Hurt

Well, I'm entering my 4th week of discipleship, and I have to say Monday has now become my favorite day of the week. .. for this very reason. Y'all it is SOOOO good.

I've been involved in many Bible studies before. . . I've even taught one. . . but discipleship is quite different.

We all meet here at my house at 6:30. I have coffee ready for everyone and my girl, Lisa, always brings us a yummy goody. She is an excellent cook and an even better friend!!

We all gab for a little bit until about 7:00.

Then, it's time to get down to business.

We head to my family room and start out with prayer. Then we open up our books and read.

Right now we are going through "Respectable Sins" and "The Mischief of Sin". If you want to be convicted, have your toes stepped on, and the like, then you definitely need these books. If you're the type who chooses to ignore both the obvious and unobvious (is unobvious even a word?) then stay away from these books.

Cutting, I tell you. Makes you fall to your knees in repentance because you truly realize how wretched you are. . . how full of sin you are. . . sin that you like, sin that you allow. . . Becuase many times we as Christians tend to compare ourselves to unbelievers. We look at ourselves and think, "Hey I'm pretty good. I don't murder. I don't cheat. I don't steal. I love Jesus." The problem is we are comparing ourselves to the wrong standard. We've allowed these "respectable" or acceptable sins into our lives. Sins like worry, fear, gossip, impatience (I can't wait to get to that chapter b/c I didn't even know impatience was a sin). God is the ONE who sets the standard and His standard is His Word. We've got to be in the Word if we're going to know His standards.

In fact, we always read a chapter during the week. It's the same chapter that we will be going over. Once when reading "The Mischief of Sin" I'd have to stop after just about every paragraph and repent.

We learned last week that a single sin does not stand alone. One sin is usually coupled with another sin and probably several sins. For example. . . resentment, pride, frustration can all tag along together. And, what about the sin of gossip? Gossip is a pretty broad term, but to make it simple, gossip is ANYTHING that tears another person down. . that doesn't build them up. . .and it hurts both the person saying it and the person listening. I joked around and said, "Yeah, here in the South we think we can say something about someone and follow it by 'Bless his/her heart', and we think it's okay to talk bad about them."

Know what else? We are to keep one another accountable.

So, let's say my friend has a problem with another friend. She calls me venting about our mutual friend. She says some ugly things. I'm to call her out on it and tell her she is gossiping. OUCH!!! That's a hard one for this people pleaser.

What about the sin of complaining? This one really got me!!! When we complain about things in our lives, then we are questioning God's Sovereignty. Whew!!!

When we started this discipleship group I prayed God would not only step on our toes, but even bruise them. Now, I think we are on the threshold of having them broken. . . but that's good. That's what I want. I haven't gotten into Chapter 4 yet (plan on diving into this weekend), but I can't wait. I WANT to know my sin. I WANT to be aware of it. Because when I sin and do it willingly, then I am despising God. Oh, when I learned that it cut me to the very core.

I'm trying to be so very mindful of my sin, moreso my "acceptable" sins, the ones that make the church blend in with the world. Just today, only today, I've been tempted many times, and I'm sure I've failed. I'm so thankful God is so patient with me. I'm so thankful He is the potter and I am the clay. I'm so thankful that during this process of sanctification He hasn't let go of me yet. Stay tuned. . . I know I'll have much more to share!!!