For the Girls

Tonight our church had our annual Christmas program. It's always really good, but honestly, I just wasn't in the mood. My heart is struggling right now, and I'm trying to work through some things in my own head. Anyhoo, Ash, Hanna, and I went to the grocery store this afternoon, got home and unpacked the groceries. It was 5:50 and the girls begged to go to the Christmas program. I took them. We arrived just in the nick of time and even got a good seat.

Boy, the Lord always knows how to meet us at our point of need. The Lord knows my heart, actually better than I know it myself. He knows those things that hurt my heart and the questions I have in my own head of the one that is hurting it. But, He met me exactly where I needed to be met through this wonderful production. Our choir did an outstanding job. I haven't been to worship this good since the Travis Cottrell concert a few months back. My very favorite part was when the lights were off and the choir filed the sanctuary with lighted candles. . . .the whole entire thing really was amazing.

I told each of my girls during the program, "I'm so glad you wanted to come."

And now my heart is full.

Full of the Lord's goodness.

Full of the Lord's grace.

Full of the Lord's mercies.

Full in only a way He can meet me. Praise His glorious name!!!!

Starting to Get It

As I get older I'm starting to realize a few things.

1. Not everyone is going to like me.

2. Not everyone does like me.

3. Stop trying to make everyone like me.

4. If someone doesn't like me, then it's not my fault or theirs. . . we just don't click.

5. It's OKAY that not everyone likes me.

'Nuff said;0)

Wordy Wednesday

This morning begin really bright and early for me. . . 3:45 a.m. to be exact.



A sweet friend of mine was going to have a decision made for her. . . by someone else. . .that could literally change the rest of her life. She was heavy on my heart all day on Tuesday. I decided I need to go and be with her, which meant leaving my house at 8:15 (makeup, hair, heels, and all). So, work had to be done. I was so glad I made the effort. This is true Biblical fellowship. . . not a potluck dinner with everyone socializing. . . Since studying 1 John the original meaning of the word "fellowship" means life-on-life. You hurt-I hurt. You rejoice - I rejoice. You're going through a trial -I'm going through that trial with you. THAT is fellowship. And, THAT is what took place this morning. Me and 3 other people went to stand alongside our sister in Christ. . .



The girls won a lunch with our children's pastor. With the homeschool students she just goes out to eat with them. It was actually Hanna who won the lunch, but she wasn't going unless Ash went with her. Sweet little thing. . . sometimes I think Ash is her security blanket. I dropped the girls off at Taco Bell with Ms. Renee.


Meanwhile, Alec and I went and got guitar strings for his guitar, then headed to Chick-fil-A. It was such a sweet time. I just love alone time with each of my kids and I don't do it nearly as much as I should. Alec blessed our food and said, "Thank you God for this time me and Mama have together." Just touched my heart so much. If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, you will know he has not been easy for me since about age 8. I was really hoping this would make the teen years easier since he's been hard for so long. It really has. He is very delightful and enjoyable. I'm hoping since we've had so many struggles leading up to this point, that our struggling is over and his teen years will be enjoyable. .. . so far, so good.



Alec and I headed back to pick the girls up. "Miss Chatty Cathy" Ashley wasn't finished yet. She'd spent too much time talking. Hanna only said a few things; therefore, was finished with her food.



We then headed home and started school. . . finished school. . . then headed to church.



I've been kind of frustrated with my Theology class. It is Trinitarianism and it is SO.STINKIN'.HARD. It is just so far above my head, which just causes me to check out. I've been tempted not to go (which I didn't last week). However, I decided not to abandon Jenn. G. and Jon and hang in there.



So glad I did. Tonight was our BEST discussion yet. So, guess I'm in for the long haul:)

152. For our amazing church!!!!

153. For Godly leaders.

154. For my husband's heart and desire to be more like Christ.

155. For the body of Christ.

155. For learning.

156. For true, biblical fellowship.

157. For dates with my son.

158. For laughter.

Blogger Overload

My poor blog . . . probably felt like my printer did when I started printing our "Tapestry of Grace" for the entire year. . . in fact, I think I broke my printer. Oh well, to say I've been behind on blogging is quite the understatement.

I've just been so swamped with work. . . with homeschool. . . with all good things. . . with family. . . with friends. . . with church. . . with being in God's word. . .

Speaking of God's word. . . Right now I'm in the midst of teaching 9th and 10th grade girls the book of 1 John verse by verse, chapter by chapter. I literally have a commentary and that's ALL! Seriously, I spend about 5 to 6 hours a week preparing for my Sunday School class and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love those girls. I love teaching them. I love studying the Word of God expositionally (that's verse by verse). I love how much I am learning. I love how much God is changing me!

Also, I'm now leading our Grow Group. Although I am with some very spiritually mature women I feel as if we are all disciplining one another. . . so I do prepare the lessons, but other than that I'm just the leader on paper. We're currently going through "The Gospel-Centered Life." It is literally changing my life. I'm in a hard place right now, but a very good place. I probably have more questions than I do answers. . . but that's okay. . . I'm seeking, I'm searching, I'm learning, I'm struggling and, honestly, God couldn't have given me a better group of women to do this with. I always love studying the Word, but to be able to do it with my dearest and closest friends is a true gift. We're all learning so much about one another. For example, I'm the defender. We have some hiders and fakers too. (anyone going through this will know what I mean). And, to boot, we have accountability. . . you want to talk about being vulnerable. . . boy, oh, boy. . . hard stuff, but good stuff. And, scripture memory. . . we recite every week. Really holds you accountable.

I'm also taking a theology class on Wed. night. Right now we're in Trinitarianism. . . I keep telling everyone I'm the dumbest person in the class. I wrote Jon a note one day saying "I think the only gift God gave me is social skills." Another time I wrote him a note saying, "I'm sooooo sleepy." He replied, "That's because you're below the arch". There's lots of philosophy in this class and to say it is way over my head is an UNDERSTATEMENT! However, I've met a precious young couple. They are really struggling with their faith. . . . just hurts my heart tremendously. We've had them over for dinner. Jon thinks like her husband, so that is good. As for me, I can love on her, but she is way more intelligent than I. She's got some really hard questions that I really and truly do not believe there are answers for. Deut. 29:29. . . in fact, as i type this now it was a tough class tonight. I almost broke into tears for her. She left class while we were closing in prayer. I've texted her. . . yet, I haven't heard back. . .

And, I've been reading "Radical" by David Platt for quite a while now. That book has got me all messed up. Messed up in a really good way. . . but really messed up. I've gotten it all wrong. . . terribly, terribly all wrong. Praise God for His grace, and I know He's going to get us out of the mess we've wanted, the mess we've created. . . and I'm so excited about how God has/is changed/changing BOTH Jon and I's hearts. . . so excited about the things He's leading us to do. . . so excited about what the future holds.

See why I have no time to blog? I'm going to hopefully do better. I love blogging and recording down my heart, hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations, etc. I've got a few more posts to catch up on and I should be good to go again!

Lessons Learned

Just ask my mom. . . or my sisters. . . or Jon. . . you might even want to ask my closest friends . . . or my children.



They would all pretty much agree . . . I can be kinda hard-headed at times.



I tend to be the type of person who always sees the good in people.



Doesn't matter how they treat me.



Doesn't matter what kind of relationships they've had in the past.



Doesn't matter what behavior or patterns of behavior they have or currently have in their life.



I think I tend to like the wool pulled over my eyes. I've always said I'm not a very good discerner of people. . . now my mom, Jon, and Melissa. . . can nail a person DEAD ON within just minutes of talking to someone. IF I'd only listen.


Oh no, not me. . . I want to be everyone's friend. . . more importantly. . . I've come to discover recently. . . I want everyone to want to be MY friend!!! (sad truth, huh?)



I've learned some pretty hard lessons lately. Hopefully these will stick.



**Trust your gut. . . no matter how much you want someone to like you, don't just fall hook line and sinker for words people say. Anyone can flatter you. . . . not everyone is sincere though. . . no matter how sincere they try to be. . . if you've seen a pattern of relationships in their life. . . LEARN from that. It will save so much in the end!



**I really, really, really don't like rejection. . . I recently had a situation in my life that I was talking to my sister about. She told me my problem was not the situation. My problem was that I felt rejected and THAT is why this situation bothered me so badly. That girl hit the nail on the head! Problem was, I was sharing the truth and it made this person very angry. If I'm going to bold for Christ and follow Him NO MATTER WHAT THE COST, then I've got to get over this fear of rejection. . . because people WILL reject truth! Maybe through this situation the LORD is preparing me so I will get over this fear. . . I sure hope so!



**Sometimes when there is a lot of adversity in your life. . . it doesn't necessarily mean you're doing the wrong thing. Many times it means you're doing the RIGHT thing. You must simply persevere!



**I think I'm more of a discerner than I give myself credit for. Things that have happened in the last 4 months or so really confirm what I knew all along. . . just wasn't willing to admit.



**Sometimes it's best to just be silent. . . to not feel the need to defend no matter how badly you want to explain things from your perspective. People are going to believe what they believe. In the end, God knows the heart and THAT is what counts!!! There are situations in life where the fewer the words the better. . . HARD, HARD lesson for this wordy, chatty girl :) and for a girl who ALWAYS feels the need to defend herself.



**Sometimes life throws you hard blows, but after you come through the knockdown, you'll be grateful and see the purpose behind it.



**When I stop to reflect on things I can see times where God was trying to weed things out of my life. Again, I'm hard headed. If I would just let go and let God and not try to hold on so tightly, then it really all is for the better. . . for everyone involved!



Hopefully and prayerfully I can hammer the gavel down and say loudly, "Lessons Learned".

Words

Words carry such great meaning to me.

Words that are meant to hurt, hurt me badly.

Words that are meant to love, love me deeply.

Words that are meant to encourage, do just that.

I just want to share some words that have meant a lot to me lately.

** Jon's mom and dad came by last night. Jon has his 3rd interview with a company in Atlanta today. He is one of five being considered for the job. She said to him, "I no one one there can match you in integrity. Our prayer is that your integrity will show forth."

** A friend of ours was sharing with me some things. He said, "That's why we want _____ (their child) to hang around Alec. Alec is spiritually mature for his age."

**With this pending interview, we've had many people offer words of encouragement . . . words, texts, and emails of prayers being lifted up for our family.

**From Stephanie . . . a text that said, "Your blog is my favorite part of my mornings at work :) I hope you get to feeling 100%.


36. For our church family.

37. For a good run this morning after being sick.

38. For being over the summer crud.

39. For a husband who is true to his word.

40. For joy and peace during uncertain times.

Whirlwind

is probably the best way to describe how our week has gone. I'm a wordy girl, so I'm just cuttin' straight to the chase on this one.

Jon has applied from anywhere to 50-100 jobs in GA. On a whim, he saw a job in Jacksonville, FL (hey Nancy!!!) that peeked his interest. No one in GA has called, but the 1 stinkin' job he applied for in FL. . . you guessed it . . . called!!!

He just had a phone interview, so I was cool with that. After he told me he thought he totally bombed the interview and it was the worst and hardest interview he'd ever had, I felt a little relieved. However, as our conversation continued he told me they wanted him to come to interview in person on Thursday.

Okay, okay, I'm good with that. However, I sent an APB out for prayer like you wouldn't believe. News travels fast in a small town, and I really don't think we've ever had quite so many people praying for us. . . people telling us they'd be heartbroken if we left, that we just can't leave, that this was a tough prayer request for them to pray (joking, of course).

Jon said alot of his decision would be based on his Mom's reaction. After he told her I asked him what her response was. He said, "Nothing. She didn't say anything." What? Is this the same GiGi we're talking about?

Later that afternoon they came over to the house. She said, "I have never been depressed in my life. Today I have been depressed ALL day." Then, Jon's Daddy started crying. I hugged him and told him he was acting like my Mama (who'd started crying when I told her we were going down for an interview) . . . and not to worry, nothing has happened yet. His parents assured us they could help us financially until Jon got a job. I told GiGi I didn't think it was fair that they've worked their whole lives to build what they have. It isn't fair for them to have to help support us. She said something to me I don't think I'll ever forget, "Michele, all of it is no good if we can't share it." We're so blessed!!! Later that night they came back to the house and told us they would never want to stand in the way of a blessing. . . they'd released us and would be praying all day.

Thursday morning we head out for Jacksonville, FL (about 5-6 hours away). I drove b/c Jon had been up early and I knew he needed rest. As we were leaving G-town, it really hit me how really real this is . . . I started to cry.

The whole way down we are getting phone calls and texts from so many people . . . letting them know we are be prayed over. Jon's friend, Doug, is calling telling him he literally has him a job at Chick-fil-A . . . just to carry us over until he finds something more permanent. My friend, Faith, is calling telling me her hubby emailed someone this morning about a job for Jon. . . and she told me about 2 more openings for teacher positions. Jon and I felt so very loved on. . . so you know what I did? Cried. Yep, just the start of the tears for the day.

We get to the company. I see how big this place is and how big the parking lot is. I told Jon, "Babe, I'm nervous for you." We pray as a family. He goes in. I text Doug and tell him I just dropped him off. Doug texts back and says, "I love y'all and I selfishly want y'all here. There will be a big void in my life without you guys here. Ultimately I want the Lord Jesus to be glorified, so I am praying for His will. With that said, I hope my smear campaign worked (earlier he texted Jon and said he'd called every mortgage company in Duvall County and smeared his reputation) and they will send y'all straight home to G-town."

Meanwhile, the kids and I drive to the beach . . . which just happens to be one of my very favorite places on earth EVER!!! Our children's pastor calls me for a phone number she needed. She and I are friends but not the kind of friend you bare your soul to. She asked me one simple question, "Is this a bad time for you?" Oh me, Oh my. . . I just start dumping everything on the poor woman. . . tears and everything.

Here the kids and I are at the beach, fully clothed, and I start bawling like a baby. . . you know, ugly cry. Melissa calls. I just lose it!! Why was I crying so hard? Because I'm very scared. I could actually see us living down there.

I then start throwing a major pity party. "Only God is in G-town, only at our church. There are only good precious friends like ours here where we live. G-town has the best homeschoolers. Who will do my hair (yes I did think that)?" Y'all I was P-I-T-I-F-U-L!!!! Jacksonville is such a big city. . . I'm not used to big cities. I'm a small town, "Sweet Home Alabama", kind of girl. I'll have to drive big highways, and I'm not use to that.

I go get Jon. He has a pep in his step and a hop in his pop. Here I am moping around like Eeyore. He said the interview went well. He felt really good about them offering him a job. We should know something in a week or so. I think it made Jon feel really good to know he still has it. He's still able to walk into a professional and corporate environment and handle himself really well. He said he'd never felt so calm in an interview in all his life (he gets really, really nervous with things like this). We know it was all the people praying.

It is a really GREAT career move. Never has he had this good of an opportunity in the corporate environment since he graduated college!!! I would be able to quit my job. The company is a family-oriented company. He told me if this job was in Atlanta, he would be wanting it BAD!!!

However, with all that said, I feel like as close to perfect as life gets on this earth, we have it here. Our family is here. Jon's Dad is in poor health, and his parents really need us. My parents are 45 minutes away. We have dear, precious, like-minded friends here. Jon has really close Godly men in his life. Those things just don't happen to everyone. We have a precious pastor, who we have the honor of calling friend. Our church is wonderful. Other than our financial situation, life is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!

Unfortunately, you need a job to live . . . and no one here in GA has called in the last year Jon has been searching for a job.

As we were leaving Jacksonville I start crying again!!! We were going to spend the night in St. Simons, but when Jon told me he was fine to drive home. I wanted him to put the pedal to the metal and get me home as quick as possible. I teased him and said, "I don't even want to vacation there." It really is a very nice town (much, much, much nicer than where we live now). I'm just so afraid of change, of moving there, of leaving everything I hold near and dear to my heart . .. here, in G-town.

On the way home, dear, precious friends and family are texting and calling, checking to see how it went. I'm so moved at how very loved we are. Some people live their whole entire lives and never have what we have. . . can we really leave all of that????

Jon shared with me this morning a few weeks back he prayed, "Lord, if we are not supposed to be here, please move us out." Is this a move of God? or a test? I don't know.

Thankfully, I am not the one who is in charge here.. . nor the one who is in control. God is . . and I trust Him no matter if we stay or if we go . . . and I love Him. . . no matter if we stay or if we go . . . and I depend on Him no matter if we stay or if we go. . .

So, here's to hoping . . . I feel so very confident we can't miss God on this one. . . too many people are praying. I'm praying mostly He and He alone will be glorifed in all of this.