A Teenage Boy's Nightmare

Saturday Alec and I had to go to the car to get some money because he needed 5 biscuits before basketball. I kid; but his appetite is FEROCIOUS!!!! A sweet man we go to church with said he saw Alec from afar and saw me (didn't know it was me though). He said he thought to himself, "Who is that pretty little girl with Alec?" Now Alec is almost as tall as Jon (6 ft). As we got closer he realized it was me.

I later told Alec this (THRILLED that someone that I was as young as he. . . that is until you get close enough to see my fine lines).

In the sweetest voice any teenage boy whose mom had been mistaken for their girlfriend he said, "Remind me to never walk with you again."

Bahahahahahaha

Just Be Excited

Oh goodness there are days when I feel like an okay mom, days where I feel like a good mom, and days (especially when I've yelled alot) I walk around thinking I'm not cut out for this thing called motherhood. .. that my children deserve someone far better than the mother they've been dealt. I'm so thankful for the grace of God. . . I KNOW I wouldn't make it without it.

Alec is really into knives. . . like big ones and sharp ones. He'd been saving his money for this knife the Navy Seals use. All I know is it was $70 on sale and it was sharp. . . 'nuff said.

The boy was aching and itching and beyond excitement to get this knife in. He was tracking his package as much as I dream of sleeping. So, when he got it in he was busting at the seams with excitement.

Showing me all the tricks and trades of this sharp knife. .. mind you, sharp knife. . . did you hear me? sharp knife. After he is finished giving me "New $70 knife 101". Do you know what came out of my mouth amongst my sweet, RESPONSIBLE, CAREFUL boy's excitement? "Well, just p-l-e-a-s-e be careful."

To which he replied in a very sweet, respectful, and stab at a mama's heart, manner, "Mom, can't you just be excited for me?"

Ouch. Oh, that hurt. Hurt me, because I know what it's like to want someone to be excited about the things I'm excited about. Hurt me because I'm such an idiot. . . such a fearful idiot.
My more excited or less excited enthusiasm about his knife will not determine the outcome if he cuts off a finger or an arm or anything else. I told you . .. the knife is sharp.

Oh, that this will be a lesson I've learned.. . to not be so scared and so fearful I always have to feel like I must give a warning to prevent something from happening. . . to live in grace. . .to walk in trust .. . to live in freedom . . . and . . . to just be excited.

Alec's Special Day

I really want to get in the habit of taking the children somewhere they would want to go on their birthdays. . . just one-on-one and just to make them feel extra special. I've always wanted to do this. However, in the past, I always hated to ask my in-laws to keep the kids. Not that they would mind. . . but I just never want to be one of those "can you keep the kids so I can ______?" However, the Lord has blessed us with so many wonderful friends, it's easy to find someone to watch over them for me. I'm very thankful.

At first I was going to blindfold Alec and take him to this Infantry Museum his friends Levi and Eli had told him about. However, I thought it was only an hour away. He told me, "I know where we're going. We're going to Fernbank." I then told him he could choose between the two. He was so very excited about the Infantry Museum. I just love to hear him be excited!!!! So. . . two hours away we go :)

I told him we could eat anywhere he wanted. He loves Panera Bread. . . so that's where we grabbed a bite to eat.

Here we are at the museum. The inside pictures will be a little dark because they wouldn't allow flash photography.

Alec holds quite an obsession with the military, and at this point in his life says he wants to join. Therefore, I took a picture of this training poster.

With that kind of schedule it looks very similar to mine. . . maybe I'm secretly in the military :)

This museum was GREAT!!! Although I'm very appreciative of our men and women in uniform, I really didn't think I would like this museum very much. However, it contained so.much. history AND THAT is what I like.

See these Japanese split-toe shoes? They made me giggle because they remind me of my 5 fingers :)

Alec thought this was really cool.

One of our favorite things was this room where it made you feel like you were in Vietnam. It was a jungle and very hot and humid. A solider was talking over the speaker, and then you'd hear gunshots. It also had booby traps laid out on the ground just like our soldiers experienced. It was very cool!

I just thought their creed was very honorable.

Here we are getting ready to trek back home. Our time was cut short and we didn't see all that we hoped to (since 2 hours was cut out of our day getting there and going home). . . we decided we will definitely go back another day.

I'm so very thankful for my sweet boy!!!! I still stand in amazement that 14 years ago, a 20-year-old young woman held this sweet things in her arms. . . she'd never known a love like this in all her life. . . a mother's love. I can't wait to celebrate Alec and his life even more this weekend!

Wordy Wednesday

This morning begin really bright and early for me. . . 3:45 a.m. to be exact.



A sweet friend of mine was going to have a decision made for her. . . by someone else. . .that could literally change the rest of her life. She was heavy on my heart all day on Tuesday. I decided I need to go and be with her, which meant leaving my house at 8:15 (makeup, hair, heels, and all). So, work had to be done. I was so glad I made the effort. This is true Biblical fellowship. . . not a potluck dinner with everyone socializing. . . Since studying 1 John the original meaning of the word "fellowship" means life-on-life. You hurt-I hurt. You rejoice - I rejoice. You're going through a trial -I'm going through that trial with you. THAT is fellowship. And, THAT is what took place this morning. Me and 3 other people went to stand alongside our sister in Christ. . .



The girls won a lunch with our children's pastor. With the homeschool students she just goes out to eat with them. It was actually Hanna who won the lunch, but she wasn't going unless Ash went with her. Sweet little thing. . . sometimes I think Ash is her security blanket. I dropped the girls off at Taco Bell with Ms. Renee.


Meanwhile, Alec and I went and got guitar strings for his guitar, then headed to Chick-fil-A. It was such a sweet time. I just love alone time with each of my kids and I don't do it nearly as much as I should. Alec blessed our food and said, "Thank you God for this time me and Mama have together." Just touched my heart so much. If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, you will know he has not been easy for me since about age 8. I was really hoping this would make the teen years easier since he's been hard for so long. It really has. He is very delightful and enjoyable. I'm hoping since we've had so many struggles leading up to this point, that our struggling is over and his teen years will be enjoyable. .. . so far, so good.



Alec and I headed back to pick the girls up. "Miss Chatty Cathy" Ashley wasn't finished yet. She'd spent too much time talking. Hanna only said a few things; therefore, was finished with her food.



We then headed home and started school. . . finished school. . . then headed to church.



I've been kind of frustrated with my Theology class. It is Trinitarianism and it is SO.STINKIN'.HARD. It is just so far above my head, which just causes me to check out. I've been tempted not to go (which I didn't last week). However, I decided not to abandon Jenn. G. and Jon and hang in there.



So glad I did. Tonight was our BEST discussion yet. So, guess I'm in for the long haul:)

152. For our amazing church!!!!

153. For Godly leaders.

154. For my husband's heart and desire to be more like Christ.

155. For the body of Christ.

155. For learning.

156. For true, biblical fellowship.

157. For dates with my son.

158. For laughter.

To the Mother of a Fallen Hero

You were on my heart and mind all day today. I just had a hard time getting you off my heart. . . my heavy heart.


There are so many things I've wondered about you . . .



Where were you when you heard the news?



Did you feel as if you were in a bad dream? Did you feel afraid, as if you weren't going to wake up and wishing at every moment this wasn't as real as it was?



Who told you?


Who was with you when you heard?



What were your first thoughts?



What was your last moment with him like?



Do you remember his smell?



Were you afraid when he said he wanted to be a Marine? Did you try to talk him out of enlisting? Did you want to try to talk him out of enlisting?



Do you remember the days when he started to outgrow you?



What do you feel for the man who shot him? Sorrow? Anger? Hatred? Bitterness? Have you prayed for him?For his family?



Do you wake up each day wondering how in the world will you make it the next hour?



Do you know how many tears splattered the black asphalt today for you . . . from people who do not know you. . . from people who did not know your son?



What were your thoughts when you realized our town stopped ticking to honor your son? when the envoy paraded the streets of our town in his honor? when you saw our beloved American flags waving in his honor? I felt so much hope for our country.

As tears flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks, I wondered what my son. . . my son who is outgrowing me. . . what he thought of his mother's tears. He wants to serve his country one day. Although this is very honorable, there is a part of me that really hopes he'll serve his country in another way. . . a way that may not possibly demand his life. . . so very selfish of me. . . yet that is where my heart stands at this moment.

As my children and I got into our car I told them, "We get to go back to our lives as normal. This poor mother will not have a "normal" for a long time, as her son is no longer with her. She will have to develop a "normal" knowing that she see her son again this side of heaven."

Fallen Hero Mom, I have to confess to you. . . I almost missed it. I almost didn't go. I don't know you. I don't know your son. I am a working mom (working 30 hours a week). I am a teaching mom (homeschooling my children), and I've had to handle things for my husband's business. To describe me as "busy" is an understatement. I almost let my schedule dictate my day. I almost let my excuses to not go and honor your son win. I'm so very thankful I didn't!!!

The images of the motorcade will stay filed away in my memory bank. It is truly like something I've never experienced. The tears I have cried for you. . . from one mother's heart to another. . . is something that will stay filed in my heart.

I salute you, mother of a fallen hero, because I know not only did you lose your son, but you lost a part of yourself. . . a part of you died when he died. You are in my thoughts. You are in my prayers. I thank you for raising a young man who wanted to serve his country!

Words

Words carry such great meaning to me.

Words that are meant to hurt, hurt me badly.

Words that are meant to love, love me deeply.

Words that are meant to encourage, do just that.

I just want to share some words that have meant a lot to me lately.

** Jon's mom and dad came by last night. Jon has his 3rd interview with a company in Atlanta today. He is one of five being considered for the job. She said to him, "I no one one there can match you in integrity. Our prayer is that your integrity will show forth."

** A friend of ours was sharing with me some things. He said, "That's why we want _____ (their child) to hang around Alec. Alec is spiritually mature for his age."

**With this pending interview, we've had many people offer words of encouragement . . . words, texts, and emails of prayers being lifted up for our family.

**From Stephanie . . . a text that said, "Your blog is my favorite part of my mornings at work :) I hope you get to feeling 100%.


36. For our church family.

37. For a good run this morning after being sick.

38. For being over the summer crud.

39. For a husband who is true to his word.

40. For joy and peace during uncertain times.

Dear Alec

Dear Alec,

Or. . . can I say "Little Buddy" (as you were called in the womb) or "Bubbagee" (a nickname coined by Granddaddy), or "Bud" (which for some reason I'll call you). I just can't believe today is the big day. . . the big "13". . . a day you have wanted to come for so long . . . a day I have wanted to stay away for so long. I get a little weepy when I think I about you being 13, because I know how quickly the last 13 years have flown by. It seems like just yesterday you were playing with matchbox cars, Star Wars figures, and building entire cities out of Legos. And now, here we are. . . . 13. . . and to be totally honest, as I write you this letter I'm holding back tears.

Now, you're into playing your guitar, Navy Seals, working out, "Myth Busters", "Survivor Man", and you're even taking a "Theology" class with a whole bunch of adults. . . meanwhile, all of your friends are hanging out with the other kids. You still like your video games. You really like hanging out with your friends. And, I think you've begun to notice just how pretty girls are . . .and that is totally okay. . . because that is how God made you. That is what you're supposed to be doing at this age.

I just can't believe that God has thought so much of me to bless me with you. You are such a blessing to me. I hope that is etched into your heart and soul. I find it a great honor and privilege to be called Mom by you. You know you were the first one to ever utter the sweet word, "Mama", to me. You were the first one to give me this name. I can remember when you were a baby and a toddler, you'd just love to hear me sing. In fact, sometimes my singing would be the only thing that would quiet you down. Now, baby, that is LOVE right there!!! Your sweet smile just warms me to the pit of my soul. I love to hear you laughing. I love to see you changing. It is such a great joy for me to be watching you transform into a man before my very eyes. I love to see how God is working in your life. . . to see the chains of fear falling off you has just been absolutely A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!

I love to see how you play with younger boys. Now you are the cool guy that the younger kids are looking up to. You're the guy that kids like Caleb D., Caleb L., the Cobb boys, Tucker, Cooper, and even JS want to be like. While that is very honoring, be careful, because that comes with great responsibility. They are watching you. . . they are mimicking what you are doing. Make sure that in all that you do, you do to honor God, and you will serve these young boys well. You even have quite a few little girls that think alot of you. Be gentle with them and loving and kind. You never know. . . one day one of them can be your wife. You know when Dad was 13, I was 6.

I keep recalling in my mind that long walk you and I had a couple of weeks back. Remember, we were at a friend's house, and you and your friend had a pretty big fight. I remember you saying to me, "Mom, what is important is that you do what is right and you defend the weak." Remember your words, my sweet boy. I am very proud of how you are growing and maturing.

Oh how I will pray I will just savor the next 5 years of your life. You told me not too long ago, "Mom, you know I only have like 5 more years here at home." I then responded, "You know, you don't have to move out when you turn 18." I pray you and I will grow closer each and every day. I pray I will always be a sounding board for you, a net of safety, a place of comfort and warmth . . . a place that is happy and inviting and laughing like crazy and most of all . . . . loving!!! I may not always understand where you are coming from, but I promise I will try to see your side and your point-of-view.

I can remember back to your first birthday. I had friends that would just cry when their babies would turn 1. I couldn't, for the life of me, understand why. I've never cried or have even been sad on any of you or your sister's birthdays. I remember you turning 5 being a little tough for me. But, for the most part, I have enjoyed watching you grow and learn and hit new milestones. But now, I wish I could just freeze time. It is slipping from my grip all too quickly. Thing is, I really enjoy you so much at this age. You are really just a delight and a joy and no matter how old you turn you will ALWAYS be my one and only baby boy! I'm so thankful God blessed me with the love of a son.

My prayer for you is that you love God with all of your heart, all of your soul, all of your strength, and all of your mind. I pray you will consider others better than yourself and walk in a life of service and gratitude. I pray you will love others fully and live life to its fullest each and every day. I pray you will not be so hard on yourself . . . that you'll be grateful for the strengths God has given you, always giving Him the honor and glory . . .and for your weaknesses, I pray they'll cause you to depend ever more on the LORD. I pray you will lead with grace, mercy, love, and honor. I pray that you'll only boast in the things of the LORD and you'll consider the things of this world as meaningless. . . . that you will live a life building up treasures in heaven, sharing the Gospel, ministering to others, disciplining others. You have an amazing mind. You are so very smart. . . like a sponge that just soaks up knowledge. Please know, my love, that this is a gift from God. Use your mind for His glory and not your own. In serving others and in giving, you will experience a place of joy like nothing else!!! Giving and serving doesn't come easy for us first borns, does it? We'd much rather "manage" everyone else and get them to do what we want them to do. . . however, it has taken me years to find that one of life's greatest joys is serving and giving to others. Start doing this young, my sweet boy, and you will be so blessed with a heart full of love, gratitude, and joy.

You, my love, are a treasure here on earth for me!!! You are a shining example of God's grace in my own life. I've never done anything good enough in my whole live to deserve someone as special as you. I'm so very grateful for you and I'm so proud of you. I love you with all of my heart!!!!

Happy 13th Birthday!!!


Mama

Flying High in an OPEN cockpit

For Alec's 13th birthday (coming up in about a week) he'd talked about flying in a small airplane. His friend, Levi, did this to celebrate going into the teen years.

However, moola is tight around here. . . so, it just wasn't happening this year.

One Saturday morning my friend, Faith, called and told me they were at a local airport and they were giving a flying clinic for kids ages 8-15. They were flying kids for free!!!
Alec was still in the bed. Jon and I really didn't have too much time to talk about it. We had to go and had to go then if we were going to take advantage of this. Jon was pretty nervous, so I called Faith and asked she and her family to hang out with him. The girls and I had to go to my sister's baby shower. Jon's parents actually showed up to watch their grandson fly high into the sky.

Friends watching . . .

Alec LOVED it. He actually got to fly in the plane with the open cockpit. I'm so glad I didn't hesitate because of my own fears. I don't want fear to dictate my children's lives. Although I wasn't thrilled with the idea, I certainly didn't want to hold Alec back. I certainly didn't let him know my fearful thoughts either. The only part he saw of me was enthusiasm and excitement. I'm so, so, so glad he was able to do this!!!

The LORD provided him with something we couldn't afford right now. I'm so grateful God's hands are even in those little details of our lives.

2500? Really???

Last Monday night Alec's band had the opportunity to perform at the "Wild Game Banquet" our church puts on. I just thought this was a small event. When we showed up at the high school it was being held at I was informed there would be about 2500 people. You've got to be kidding me. I was as nervous as a pole cat in a room full of rocking chairs. . . yet so very excited for my boy. They performed, "O Happy Day". And. . . to top of the night, they got to meet Coach Mark Richt, coach of our GA Bulldogs!!! Jon and I both were so very proud of Alec. Here's a few pictures that captured our night. . .

Girls, Girls, Girls

I bet you're thinking this post is going to be about my girls. . . oh how I wish!!!

Alec is spending the night with his friend, Griffin. His mom, Jennifer, is a dear friend of mine and an excellent spy (as you will see shortly)

When I woke up this morning I had all of these messages on facebook. . . I thought I'd share. . .

>1st Message
"well...they were talking about GIRLS!!! YUCK! They were rating girls and Alec said "there's a difference between liking someone and thinking they're cute". I'm about ready to put on a good movie so they will stop talking about girls!!!!!! I'm not ready for this! LOL!! Oh, well... wait, now they're talking about video games. Yeahhhh!

2nd Message
"My mom always wanted me and Emily to get together but now she's like 7 ft taller than me..." They are cracking me up!

3rd Message
"Hanna likes Jonathon Ford. She's boy crazy." (Who the heck is Jonathan Ford? - this is me talking. . . and YES, she is boy crazy . . . and YES, she is beautiful. .. and YES, it scares me)

4th Message
"Alec is talking about some girl that use to be crazy about him but "she's gross...she like...bites her fingernails!" Alec is definitely noticing girls! The subject may change but he brings it right back to the topic of.... GIRLS!!!!! LOL!!

5th Message
"Okay...I had to run up there and change the subject when I heard them talk about the 11 year old that had a baby. Alec said...there's only one way...and I heard someone else say..yeah....So I told them it was time to watch a movie. The Incredibles to the rescue

Girl, I can't believe they are pre-teens...they have noticed girls and are acting so goofy about them! LOL!!

I've got to get to sleep now...can't spy any more.

Love ya!
Jennifer

I have ONE word and ONE word only. . .

HELP!!!

Makes Me Teary-Eyed Every Time

Oh, it gets me every.single.time.

Last week Alec went on his 2nd overnight trip with the church. . . without me. One was at the beginning of the school year. I really wanted to go and even asked him if he minded me being a chaperone. He, unconvincingly said, "That's okay, but I think they have plenty."
I was fine with that. . . because next year. . .when he moves up to the youth. . . the youth director will be sick.of.seeing.my.face.

He got just a teensy bit of that before they left.

I have this HUGE problem with kids and cellphones (sorry if this offends). . . I just don't see the purpose. Actually I think they do more harm than good. . i.e., sexting. . .

At first they said the kids could take them. .. then one morning I was running with Angela (who just happens to be my pastor's wife). . . I was talking to her as my friend, not as my pastor's wife, and just venting my frustrations about the cellphones and the ipods that were allowed.

That evening the youth director called some of the parents who were going and said, "A parent called David complaining about the cellphones." I was hoping it was another parent who felt the same way. I don't know and I don't really care. It is something I feel strongly about.

Well, low and behold they are loading up the bus and here comes these kids with their cellphones and ipods. UGGGHH!!!

I told one of my friends who was going as a chaperone my concerns with the cellphones (sexting. . . if you don't know what that is, it is where kids/adults send pornographic images via text). . .She has a middle schooler and wasn't even aware this stuff went on. She told me I needed to talk to Todd.

Todd is getting in the van to leave and I go and tell him I need to talk to him. I voiced my concerns and went ahead and warned him I am one of those parents he is going to hate. . . ha!ha!. . . half kidding, of course.

He was very nice and explained me that is entirely a miscommunication. Never in a group this large do they allow kids to have cellphones or ipods. He made the kids put them in their overnight bags. . .

Chalk that one up to Mom, Alec!!! I hope I didn't embarrass him. . . . but I am learning quickly . . . if it is important to me to not let the church look like the world. . . then I'm going to have to be vocal (in love), and I can't care if someone doesn't like me or doesn't want to be my friend because of it. . .

See my boy back there. . . I know he is thinking, "I wish she'd put that camera up."

I was a bundle of nerves when I got into my car. My stomach felt like butterflies were having a hay day in it. . . confrontation is NOT my thing!!!

I wouldn't leave the church parking lot until I could no longer see the church bus. As it got to rolling I had to fight back the tears. . . tears that symbolize my son is getting older and with that I certainly don't love him any less. . . but I can't hold my grip so tightly anymore. . . letting go is hard. However, I know if I don't gradually let him go. . . little by little. . . I will choke the life out of him. . . He's a really good kid, and I trust he will make good decisions. However, if and when he should fail to do so, I pray God will use his failures and mistakes and triumphs (for that matter) ALL for His glory, and His glory alone.

P.S. Alec had a GREAT time!!! I'm so grateful he was able to go.