Just Be Excited

Oh goodness there are days when I feel like an okay mom, days where I feel like a good mom, and days (especially when I've yelled alot) I walk around thinking I'm not cut out for this thing called motherhood. .. that my children deserve someone far better than the mother they've been dealt. I'm so thankful for the grace of God. . . I KNOW I wouldn't make it without it.

Alec is really into knives. . . like big ones and sharp ones. He'd been saving his money for this knife the Navy Seals use. All I know is it was $70 on sale and it was sharp. . . 'nuff said.

The boy was aching and itching and beyond excitement to get this knife in. He was tracking his package as much as I dream of sleeping. So, when he got it in he was busting at the seams with excitement.

Showing me all the tricks and trades of this sharp knife. .. mind you, sharp knife. . . did you hear me? sharp knife. After he is finished giving me "New $70 knife 101". Do you know what came out of my mouth amongst my sweet, RESPONSIBLE, CAREFUL boy's excitement? "Well, just p-l-e-a-s-e be careful."

To which he replied in a very sweet, respectful, and stab at a mama's heart, manner, "Mom, can't you just be excited for me?"

Ouch. Oh, that hurt. Hurt me, because I know what it's like to want someone to be excited about the things I'm excited about. Hurt me because I'm such an idiot. . . such a fearful idiot.
My more excited or less excited enthusiasm about his knife will not determine the outcome if he cuts off a finger or an arm or anything else. I told you . .. the knife is sharp.

Oh, that this will be a lesson I've learned.. . to not be so scared and so fearful I always have to feel like I must give a warning to prevent something from happening. . . to live in grace. . .to walk in trust .. . to live in freedom . . . and . . . to just be excited.