The Greener Grass

There are days, thankfully not many days, but days when I do wonder what our lives would actually look like if the children went to school.

Let's see. . . well, rather than a mother who awakens at 4:00 a.m., my children would have a mother that would wake up at 6:00 a.m., prepare them breakfast, get them dressed, and i guess have them at school by 7:30 (is that what time it starts? I'm not sure). Said mother would then go back home, get a work out in, and then proceed on to work while they were in school. Said mother would pick them up with a smile on her face. . . so glad to see them from missing them all day. We'd get home and there would be homemade cookies waiting on them. We'd all sit down and do homework together. Afterwards we'd sing koombaya (sp???), and all would be bliss. They would see a mother who was happy all the time, full of energy, full of life, no frustrations. They would get along exceptionally well because they would have not seen one another all day.

Well, at least this is how I imagine it anyway.. . .

Can't our imaginations do that to us, set us up for disappointment and not reality? The reality of the above scenario is that it doesn't exist, and I'm so thankful for Jon and his encouragement over the 10 years we've been homeschooling. Otherwise, I would have put all the chidlren in school many years ago. But . . .if they were in school I'd miss out on this.

The looks of their little faces (yes, even the 14-year-old) as they learn.

I'd miss out on long lunches when we ask one another silly questions and learn even more . . . about one another.

I'd miss out on their fighting . . . and trying to teach them how to resolve things and point them to Christ and the cross.

I'd miss the giggles.

I'd miss out on the endless, and I do mean, endless chatter.

I'd miss them being on my heels all day. . . for one day I will blink and they will be no longer be on my heels, only my heart.

I'd miss trips to the grocery store and knowing every.single.food they like, dislike, what makes them smile, what makes them gag.

I'd miss the opportunities to teach them to honor me. . . not because I say so, but because God says so.

I'd miss the tattle telling. . . well, I'm not really sure I'd really miss that one.

I'd miss the odd stages of life (like the 11-year-old right now) teaching them to navigate muddy waters and find out who they really are.

I'd miss them telling me really cool stuff they are learning about.

I'd miss the time. . .

For although MUCH is required of me, much more than just researching curriculum, putting together lesson plans, grading papers, teaching, the discipline to both work and homeschool. . . the MUCH of that is my time. And, do you know how children spell love?

T-I-M-E

So, although there are days when the grass on this side is dull, lifeless, lacking in vibrancy, and the mom on this side of the hill is just craving some time all to herself. . . that will come, much sooner than I think and much sooner than I want. Prayerfully and hopefully I am making a great impact on my children for the kingdom of Christ . . . that they will grow in Him and be mighty warriors for Him. . . all for His glory and honor.

Until then, I'll keep my tent pitched on this side of the hill. . . no matter how much more greener and vibrant the other side looks.

Seeing the World Through Gospel-Centered Glasses

A person who I just look up to and admire. . . a person who just oozes Jesus. . . a person that I tease with and say, "Never, ever have I wished I were a man except to be discipled by you". He's precious. I will leave his name free from this blog, but many friends may know him based on the description above.

I was talking with him at Chick-fil-A one day and he was just oozing Jesus as normal. The things that I caught that he said that have stuck with me were 2 things.

1) "I make it a practice of forgiving the moment of offense." (the Lord knew I needed this literally a week before I left for Guyana. . . I know, I know. . . I need to blog about my trip and SHARE). But this post isn't about this quote.

2. ". .. seeing the world through Gospel-centered glasses." I loved that!!! He was actually talking about a movie he had watched and it had nothing to do with the Gospel, yet he pulled it in and related it to the Gospel.

Well, I have been following the advice of my very wise friend, and both of these things have totally changed my vision and view of things. When I watch movies, Gospel-centered glasses are what I wear. When I hear someone telling a story, Gospel-centered ears are what I hear with. Forgiving the moment I'm offended. . . I've learned so much about forgiveness AND myself putting this one into practice. I've learned the longer I hold onto an offence, the harder it is to forgive. I've also learned for me I have to put my forgiveness into action. I just can't "say" I forgive. . . I really need to do something so that I know in my heart I've truly forgiven. I've also learned how to detect when my mouth is saying "I've forgiven", but my heart has not. What does that person's presence do to me? What does the mention of their name make me feel or think? If I'm at peace with a person who has hurt me, then their presence/mention of their name, etc. makes me feel no ill feelings or ugly thoughts whatsoever. . . in fact, I don't even remember the offence. After all, if we are suppose to forgive as we've been forgiven, then that means we remember no more, that the offence is as far as the east is from the west.

I'm so thankful how God uses people in my life to bring me closer to Him.

12 Things I Discovered/Rediscovered About Myself

1. I rediscovered I really do like the latest fashions. For about 2 plus years now, really since reading "Radical", followed by "Crazy Love", preparing for my first mission trip and going, I was so very convicted about excess. So, when I did need clothes I have shopped only at thrift stores. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I'ver never been a "brand-name" girl. I've always been a Bargain Betty even in my most fashionista of days. However, over the last 2+ years things like fashion haven't been as important to me. All that is good, very good. However, with the change of the seasons I went the other day to a few stores around town. There were lots of clearance sales and the clothing was oh, so, cute . . .and not dated. So, I splurged on my self a little bit. . . spending anywhere between $3 and $11. I got a skirt, a dress, and 5 shirts. I did feel a tinge of guilt.. . but I think that was from myself. . . which there are times when I have tendencies to walk in guilt. Now, if there was someone in my life who was in need and I went shopping rather than helping them out then there is something wrong with that. . . something terribly, terribly wrong with that. However, is there something wrong with me splurging on myself a little with clearance sales? Still trying to figure that one out. However, on a lighter and much less serious note. . I did discover/rediscover how much I really do like cute clothes and putting them on and feeling pretty. Very fun!

2. I discovered just how much I like nachos with cheese. I kept trying to demonstrate to Hanna how NOT to get it all over your face (which hers was covered). It was really just an attempt to get to eat more and more of the nachos.

3. I rediscovered just how much I LOVE watching this girl on the soccer field, how much I love being a soccer mom, how I love the fire Ash has in her. . .her tenacity, her grace, her encouraging her other team mates.

4. I discovered that Ash tilts her head to the side just like her mama when posing for a picture. 'Cept I tilt to the other side.

5. I discovered just I don't mind being apart of the "peanut gallery" and sitting with the opposing team. We got a MUCH BETTER VIEW of the field that way.

6. I discovered that at art and craft fairs that I don't buy anything because everything I see I say to myself (and sometimes out loud) "I can make that."

7. I rediscovered just how much I like chocolate chips. I used to keep a bag in teh pantry and I'd sneak 1, 2, or 30 to get my chocolate "fix" taken care of. I bought some chocolate chips for next week when we will have Faith's kids over for a few nights so the girls could make cookies. Confession - HALF the bag is gone because I rediscovered how yummy these morsels are. Gotta go and buy some more before Wednesday.

8. I rediscovered it's okay to give myself grace. This morning I was so sleepy while working. I worked for about 2 hours, and then at 7:00 a.m. crawled back into bed and slept until 9:15. I can probably count on one hand how many times my kids have gotten out of teh bed and found me still in it. It was absolutely lovely.

9. I discovered that reduced fat cinnamon rolls only have 130 calories WITH the icing. So, I treated myself to one for breakfast this morning.

10. I rediscovered just how much I do love small towns. In a perfect world my dream would be to be a teacher (probably high school 'cause I love teenagers) in a small town, my kids go to school, and us be super-involved in the school and community. . . especially high school football. Seeing the band and majorettes today at the parade took my mind back down memory lane. Oh, I'm actually one of those girls that loved high school. Granted, I made MANY mistakes, some I really wish I could get do-overs with. . . but, for the most part I really loved high school. However, I'm grateful to be at home and homeschooling my babies.

11. I discovered I could learn so much from my dog. He always greets you like he hasn't seen you in decades. He doesn't pout because we don't play with him enough, give him enough attention, or walk him enough. . . but boy when we do he is so giddy. We never get on his nerves and he loves being with us.

12. I rediscovered just how much I love outside, live bands playing oldies. We walked past one today and they were playing "China Grove". . . oh, oh, "China Grove". . . oh, how I just wanted to pull up a chair, hang out, and listen to the live music (nothing distasteful though - if "China Grove" is distasteful I didn't know it and I'm sorry. . . just remembering hearing it on 8-tracks when I was a kiddo).

Frustrating Thursday

The Lord was so very good to me at the beginning of the week. Well, He's been so good to me today. . . everyday. . . but at the beginning of the week I'd gotten some very sweet words of encouragement from friends and Jon, nothing particular or spectacular. . . just a sweet text or a sweet facebook message, or a sweet word at church. I thanked the Lord for sending me that encouragement, and I knew full well I needed to hold onto it.

It's been a rough few weeks. My sister and I really aren't speaking. No need to hash out the details. We each have our perspectives and our "sides" of the story, and each of our perspectives is our very own reality. So, of course, that has been a small dagger in my heart. Forgiveness has abounded, so we'll see how the hurts and wrongs pan out. I actually send her a FB message yesterday, she replied back today, to which I replied. Hopefully as is over and things will resume to normal soon. We'll see.

Then, Alec and Ashley have been fighting like CRAZY!!! I've been so patient, encouraging them each with the Word, listening to each one's struggles with the other. Yet, today I blew my gasket and it went off loudly. I don't think I've blown up like I did today in about two years. Let's just say we all were in tears. Terrible, terrible day. But, I've had it and I'm fed up!!! They now know it. And, of course the terrible mother guilt you feel afterwards is almost unbearable!!!

I also meet with my other "girls" on Thursdays. . . girls in my Sunday School class. I was just so frustrated. . . none of them had done their homework. Soooooo, we had nothing to discuss. One of them is pretty faithful to the Word. One is so-so, and I don't think the other one has even answered one question in her book. It is just such a challenge to get these girls in the Word and the Word in them. They are all very excited at the beginning, but then allow so many other things to steal them away. I had to be pretty tough with them, which I DON'T LIKE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I even feared sharing truth in love with them, because that is how the fallout with Melissa happened (well, from my side of the story anyway). But, I knew I had to!!!! I basically told them if we were meeting just to meet and hang out and we aren't trying to grow and become more Christlike then we were wasting everyone's time. I even asked them if they thought it was time to stop meeting. I have a precious girl who has asked me to disciple her. You have to WANT Him!!!! I can't make anyone DESIRE the Lord!!!! Of course, they want to continue meeting and we all brainstormed and offered suggestions as to be better time managers, etc. We'll see how next week goes. Question and please, please answer if you have the slightest inkling of an answer. At what point do you just stop? If the girls aren't in the word, aren't praying, and just want to come and hang out. . . at what point do you say it's time that this ends????? Lydia, a young woman I am discipling told me that her youth pastor (who discipled her) told them they had to take a test every week and if you made below an 80 you could no longer come. He wanted to invest his life in the ones that desired Christ and not just a time of chatting about their problems. Can you sense my frustrations? There is a discipleship conference coming up at our church, and I'm excited to learn more.

However, I'm about to head out and meet some friends for dinner. I can't wait for "girl time". It is so good for the soul. One is my friend, Lisa. . . one of my oldest and dearest friends. It's been so very long for us to hang out and laugh together. . . so I'm off.. . .hoping my frustrations turn into belly-rolling, make your stomach hurt laughter.

Something is Wrong

Something is wrong . . . when we have so little time together as a family that family time seems out of the norm rather than the norm.

Something is wrong. . . when I spend more time serving the LORD than spending time with the LORD (through prayer, study of His word).

Something is wrong . . . when I'm so connected to people via facebook, twitter, blogging that I fail to see their real needs because I allow the "Internet" to suffice for communication rather than a telephone call or a visit.

Something is wrong . . . when I'm so busy that when I stop being busy I feel somewhat bored.

Something is wrong. . . when I'm so invested in other people that I fail to see how the hearts of my own children need shepherding.

Something is wrong . . . when an article states that between 75% to 80% of homeschooled children walk away from their faith when they enter college.

Something is wrong. . . when I spend endless amounts of money on my wardrobe, my accessories, my shoes when there are starving people all over the world.

Something is wrong . . . when I have so much stuff and a home with a lot of square footage that I have a hard time keeping it clean.

Something is wrong . . . when I judge others more than I love others.

Something is wrong. . . when I go almost an entire week without calling my mama.

Something is wrong. . . when I'm so busy that the only "free time" I have at home is when I'm sleeping.

Something is wrong. . . when I allow a minor dispute over things of God to interfere in a friendship.

Something is wrong. . . when I fail to let someone know they are missed when they are out of the fold.

Something is wrong. . . when I stop putting others before myself.

Something is wrong. . . when I fail to "read between the lines" and discern what people are REALLY saying.

Something is wrong. . . when I strive to please people more than I strive to please God.

Something is wrong. . . when I tend to hold onto things that offend my LORD and things that set themselves against the knowledge of my God (TV, music, movies, books, etc.

121. For spirtual growth.

122. For a patient, loving, compassionate, and merciful God.

123. For the Holy Spirit.

124. For Godly teachers and preachers.

125. For Godly friends.

126. For struggles.

127. For having more questions than I do answers.

128. For the word of God.

Blogger Overload

My poor blog . . . probably felt like my printer did when I started printing our "Tapestry of Grace" for the entire year. . . in fact, I think I broke my printer. Oh well, to say I've been behind on blogging is quite the understatement.

I've just been so swamped with work. . . with homeschool. . . with all good things. . . with family. . . with friends. . . with church. . . with being in God's word. . .

Speaking of God's word. . . Right now I'm in the midst of teaching 9th and 10th grade girls the book of 1 John verse by verse, chapter by chapter. I literally have a commentary and that's ALL! Seriously, I spend about 5 to 6 hours a week preparing for my Sunday School class and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love those girls. I love teaching them. I love studying the Word of God expositionally (that's verse by verse). I love how much I am learning. I love how much God is changing me!

Also, I'm now leading our Grow Group. Although I am with some very spiritually mature women I feel as if we are all disciplining one another. . . so I do prepare the lessons, but other than that I'm just the leader on paper. We're currently going through "The Gospel-Centered Life." It is literally changing my life. I'm in a hard place right now, but a very good place. I probably have more questions than I do answers. . . but that's okay. . . I'm seeking, I'm searching, I'm learning, I'm struggling and, honestly, God couldn't have given me a better group of women to do this with. I always love studying the Word, but to be able to do it with my dearest and closest friends is a true gift. We're all learning so much about one another. For example, I'm the defender. We have some hiders and fakers too. (anyone going through this will know what I mean). And, to boot, we have accountability. . . you want to talk about being vulnerable. . . boy, oh, boy. . . hard stuff, but good stuff. And, scripture memory. . . we recite every week. Really holds you accountable.

I'm also taking a theology class on Wed. night. Right now we're in Trinitarianism. . . I keep telling everyone I'm the dumbest person in the class. I wrote Jon a note one day saying "I think the only gift God gave me is social skills." Another time I wrote him a note saying, "I'm sooooo sleepy." He replied, "That's because you're below the arch". There's lots of philosophy in this class and to say it is way over my head is an UNDERSTATEMENT! However, I've met a precious young couple. They are really struggling with their faith. . . . just hurts my heart tremendously. We've had them over for dinner. Jon thinks like her husband, so that is good. As for me, I can love on her, but she is way more intelligent than I. She's got some really hard questions that I really and truly do not believe there are answers for. Deut. 29:29. . . in fact, as i type this now it was a tough class tonight. I almost broke into tears for her. She left class while we were closing in prayer. I've texted her. . . yet, I haven't heard back. . .

And, I've been reading "Radical" by David Platt for quite a while now. That book has got me all messed up. Messed up in a really good way. . . but really messed up. I've gotten it all wrong. . . terribly, terribly all wrong. Praise God for His grace, and I know He's going to get us out of the mess we've wanted, the mess we've created. . . and I'm so excited about how God has/is changed/changing BOTH Jon and I's hearts. . . so excited about the things He's leading us to do. . . so excited about what the future holds.

See why I have no time to blog? I'm going to hopefully do better. I love blogging and recording down my heart, hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations, etc. I've got a few more posts to catch up on and I should be good to go again!

Lessons Learned

Just ask my mom. . . or my sisters. . . or Jon. . . you might even want to ask my closest friends . . . or my children.



They would all pretty much agree . . . I can be kinda hard-headed at times.



I tend to be the type of person who always sees the good in people.



Doesn't matter how they treat me.



Doesn't matter what kind of relationships they've had in the past.



Doesn't matter what behavior or patterns of behavior they have or currently have in their life.



I think I tend to like the wool pulled over my eyes. I've always said I'm not a very good discerner of people. . . now my mom, Jon, and Melissa. . . can nail a person DEAD ON within just minutes of talking to someone. IF I'd only listen.


Oh no, not me. . . I want to be everyone's friend. . . more importantly. . . I've come to discover recently. . . I want everyone to want to be MY friend!!! (sad truth, huh?)



I've learned some pretty hard lessons lately. Hopefully these will stick.



**Trust your gut. . . no matter how much you want someone to like you, don't just fall hook line and sinker for words people say. Anyone can flatter you. . . . not everyone is sincere though. . . no matter how sincere they try to be. . . if you've seen a pattern of relationships in their life. . . LEARN from that. It will save so much in the end!



**I really, really, really don't like rejection. . . I recently had a situation in my life that I was talking to my sister about. She told me my problem was not the situation. My problem was that I felt rejected and THAT is why this situation bothered me so badly. That girl hit the nail on the head! Problem was, I was sharing the truth and it made this person very angry. If I'm going to bold for Christ and follow Him NO MATTER WHAT THE COST, then I've got to get over this fear of rejection. . . because people WILL reject truth! Maybe through this situation the LORD is preparing me so I will get over this fear. . . I sure hope so!



**Sometimes when there is a lot of adversity in your life. . . it doesn't necessarily mean you're doing the wrong thing. Many times it means you're doing the RIGHT thing. You must simply persevere!



**I think I'm more of a discerner than I give myself credit for. Things that have happened in the last 4 months or so really confirm what I knew all along. . . just wasn't willing to admit.



**Sometimes it's best to just be silent. . . to not feel the need to defend no matter how badly you want to explain things from your perspective. People are going to believe what they believe. In the end, God knows the heart and THAT is what counts!!! There are situations in life where the fewer the words the better. . . HARD, HARD lesson for this wordy, chatty girl :) and for a girl who ALWAYS feels the need to defend herself.



**Sometimes life throws you hard blows, but after you come through the knockdown, you'll be grateful and see the purpose behind it.



**When I stop to reflect on things I can see times where God was trying to weed things out of my life. Again, I'm hard headed. If I would just let go and let God and not try to hold on so tightly, then it really all is for the better. . . for everyone involved!



Hopefully and prayerfully I can hammer the gavel down and say loudly, "Lessons Learned".

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

That's exactly how I feel about our life right now. Nevermore in Jon and I's married life have we ever felt like we were just wondering. . . with no direction. . . no guidance .. . no clue to how this thing is going to turn out.

Last week he and I were very excited. About 1-1/2 months ago a friend of his had offered him a job. Jon was hesitant. . . first, because he didn't want their friendship affected in a negative way (often times business and friendships don't mix). . . second, because he was really hoping to get a teaching job. Over the course of the last month and a half he and I have been praying about it. Well last week Jon told his friend he'd take that job if it was still available. . . it wasn't!!! Shoot! Until Tuesday. . . on Tuesday a guy walked into his office and quit. We just knew that was God.

Although this was not the ideal job. . . we didn't care. Jon just needs a job. This came at teh perfect time, as we have 1-1/2 months worth of salary left in our business. On Wednesday I got an email from a friend of mine who is a vice principal at a school telling me she was sorry about Jon, but they've been put on a hiring freeze for all TAPP applicants.

Jon and I just took this as another sign that God must want him to work for our friend. We both started dreaming about having a steady income once again. Everyone who is self employed knows it is either feast or famine. . . we've been okay up to this point. . . but we're getting on teh brink of famine here.

On Monday Jon's friend told him his boss wouldn't let him do anymore hiring. We were both just crushed. . . so very thankful for our friend, yet still crushed.

So, here we are again. Jon just paid himself for the 2nd part of May. We literally have 1 month's salary in the bank. Even if I worked 40-50 hours a week with my job, I wouldn't make enough to support our household. On top of that, I made some mistakes with an account I was on. . . my boss had to take me off of it. Honestly, at the time I was kind of glad. It was a very demanding account and it really stresed me out. However, this morning I have a total of 70 lines. I've bascially gone from 1200 lines a day to 70 lines (I'm paid by the line).

Jon is applying for jobs all over our state . . . everything from a car salesman to a cable technician to a commercial/consumer credit analyst. He's taken a test for a bank examiner with our state (which he passed with flying colors). He has his bachelor's degree in finance and has a wide range of experience in both consumer and commercial credit. He also has project management experience. I would be devastated if we had to move. . . but we've gotta do what we've gotta do.

He does have a house that is about to go on the market (hopefully). In July/August we have a house that we are leasing that should be purchased. Although our profit on this house isn't very much we put a good bit of our own money in it, so we should get a good bit of money when it closes. We're also going to probably put our house on the market. We got it at such a good deal, if it were to sell, we would make a pretty good profit.

So, here we are. I have NO idea what God is up to. I have NO idea in what direction we are heading. I have precious friends and family who are praying for us, which I am forever grateful for. Last night Jon came home for working on his house. I could tell he is just very heavy. This is not like him. He is normally very easygoing and "happy go lucky".

I keep reminding myself of how God provided the manna for the Israelites daily. He didn't "stock their accounts up". God has shown and proven Himself faithful to our family over the years, and I know He will this time. Now, how His faithfulness will come, I have absolutely NO idea, but I know that it will.

I can't wait to see how this story unfolds. . . Meanwhile, we are trusting, thanking, and loving our LORD!!!

While I really want

to be posting about a 5K I ran this weekend with my "Faithful Feet" running club which includes my Hanna's first 5K ever. . .

to be posting about the BEST surprise party of the year. . . that I actually pulled off (with the help of MANY loved ones) without a glitch. . .

to be posting about the Ultra Marathon that was run weeks ago. . . still unable to figure out quite the right words to put it in. . .

to be preparing a post for Mer's 10 on the 10th . . . which will include 10 posts in one along with lots of pictures.

to be posting about how I made someone cry. . . who is as part of me as my right arm is . . . and I totally didn't mean too.

to be posting about how much I'm learning in my discipleship group.

I really feel led to just blog about some growing pains I've experienced lately. Growing can sometimes be tough. Sometimes we lay on our backs with our feet in the air and swing our legs and arms back and forth and act like a 2-year-old, saying "I want this. I want that." Not necessarily meaning stuff (i.e. car, house, etc.). '

Sometimes we say things we really shouldn't be saying and "drag" people into situations that's really, really unfair to bring them into. . . then, we feel really lousy and we feel the need to apologize a gazillion times.

Sometimes we fret over situations and spend endless hours being mad, angry, guarded . . . all because somehow we get this notion that life is ALL about us.

Sad to say I've been that way this week. . . ugghhh!!!! Doesn't make me shine too bright or feel very good about myself. In fact, I really realize how rotten I am. I'm wasting all of this mental time and energy into trying to change a situation that is totally out of my control. The LORD very gently reminded me that if I was in His word and focused on the things He calls me to do, then all this selfish, pitiful stuff I've been wasting my time on is foolish. . . absolutely foolish. And, quite honestly, if I was in the Word enough, I really wouldn't be worried/upset/mad about this particular situation.

I think if we all took an inventory of ALL the things that occupy our mental and emotional efforts then we would realize that probably just about ALL of it is foolish. We should be focused on Christ and so full of Him that we just ooze all over the place with His love, His ways, His word.

I was having a conversation with my sister yesterday. She said something with such truth that itjust range volumes in my ears, "Michele, we should only bear our hearts to the only one who can change our hearts. You've spent all this time venting to me about this situation, yet you still feel the same way. Vent it to the Lord. He's the only one who change you." This I know, but I SOOOOOOOO needed this reminder.

Then today I get this forwarded email. Jon actually forwarded it to me and he normally doesn't even read these things. It had a saying on it that I think I'm going to make "wall words" out of and put in my kitchen.

"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God."

Words to live by. Words to live by.

Truth

"The truth hurts." "The truth shall set you free." These are all sayings we've heard all our lives. Today, something was said to me that was truth. . . yet it hurt. . . to the point of tears. I'm a pretty sentimental person, yet I don't easily cry at the drop of the hat. Normally when the tears start to flow it is usually a buildup of things within me. Most of the time it is the littlest of things that will set my tears in motion.

Today, that happened. I've been going through some things, dealing with all kinds of feelings. . . good, bad, and ugly. . . trying to sort through all of them . . . trying to have the attitude of Christ. . . which has been really tough. Something very little was said to me today. Thankfully Jon hadn't left yet. We were in the kitchen and I just let it loose. . . then my tears started falling.

My sweet husband very gently came to me, put his arms around me, and gave me his shoulder to cry on . . . and let me cry, and talk, and cry until I got out everything I needed too. I even had my dramatic attitude of, "I just need to go to St. Simons. I say we stay the whole summer!!! I really mean it! I'm not just saying that." Knowing I didn't really mean it. Then. . . we talked. I had a mix of emotions and so did he (cause he's my knight in shining armor and all). Some anger, mostly hurt feelings. But, in all honestly, this person was right. O-U-C-H!!! Don't you just hate when someone hurts your feelings and they're right?!?

It mainly revolves around my attitude. Jon then told me there is no way I can change my attitude. I can't will myself to do it. I can try, and then I will fail. I just needed to pray over this situation everyday, pray for all the people involved, give it over to God and be in His word. Then He would change my attitude (that is Christ, not Jon . . .hee!hee!)

So, needless to say I was a bit of a "Debbie Downer" today. Just a little mopey. . . until I got in the Word. God had a word of encouragement for me. . . in Psalm 34. Then, this afternoon I received a card in the mail.

It was actually a "belated thank you note" (in her own words). But I truly believe God knew I needed the truth of her words also. Her encouraging words, words that lifted my spirited and put a smile on my face. I believe although she thought this note to be "belated", God knew I would need her words on this day. . . because also I had some harder words that were tough to swallow earlier in my day.

Isn't it wonderful how God uses the people in our life? Some bring us hard truth that we don't like, but needs to be said. Some bring us encouraging words that lift our spirits. We need BOTH!!!

The truth does hurt, but the Truth (the truth of God's word) also sets us free!!!