Dear Blogger

I know I haven't been very faithful to you in these last few weeks. There has been much going on that I don't want to forget . . . and I want to jot down . . . so when I'm old and gray I can look back at these words and recall this season in my life.


I have lots to stay and lots to blog about. I just haven't been "into it" lately. To my blogger friends, I've been reading your blogs and staying involved in your lives. . .I just don't have any words right now.


I think I'm just tired . . . really tired. Last week was a rough week with me trying to be a juggler of all things . . . I had so many balls in the air and I couldn't keep them all in sync . . . they were piling on top of me very rapidly.


It is hard . . . working and homeschooling . . . especially when you work at home . . . because you still feel like a stay-at-home mom . . . because that is what you do . . . stay at home. This week work has really demanded my attention more so than ever.


So many times I feel like I can handle it all . . . and then I crash . . . and normally with crashing comes tears and, unfortunately, complaining and griping. I know God does not honor my complaining and griping. . . I have to learn to not hold so much in and learn express my emotions and frustrations in a healthy way . . . a way that honors my Lord. . . . a way that doesn't look like Mt. Vesuvius is erupting.


Options and solutions are offered by those near and dear to me . . . yet, the thing is at this stage in life I HAVE to work. My husband is stuck in the middle of whether to continue his business full time . . . a very successful business (through God's grace). . . yet a business that scares him because of the current state of our economy . . . that is option A or option B is find a full-time job. He has applied and searched and applied and searched . . . yet NOTHING, NOTHING. Not even a phone call for an interview.


I don't know what God is up to. . . but I know that He does, and that alone gives me so much strength and confidence.


But my income is really needed right now as all is in limbo with Jon's career. God has shown me through this very trying time that it is not a job that provides for us . . . but it is He Himself and no other. He may provide us with a job to provide for us . . . but it ALL comes from Him.


So while I'm overwhelmed and frustrated and so desperately want to just teach my children and throw all of my efforts and energy into teaching them . . . I can't . . . and I'm grateful for the job I have. Even though at times I literally hate it and it stinks . . . I'm still grateful and will continue to be.


Jon wants me to quit just as much as I do, but God gives us wisdom . . . and right now the best thing is is that I keep my job and just learn to rest in God and Him alone. . . It would be so very foolish to quit my job because of my emotions . . . the fact that is what I want. . . .but obviously God has something better in store . . . because all things work ultimately for His glory and my good because I love my Lord and am called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)


Rest is hard to come by these days. Very rarely do I find myself entering the bed until 10:00 and then as soon as I close my eyes I hear the sound of the alarm clock. I wake up and feel as if my eyes have only been closed for 5 minutes. I get up and work. Honestly, when I'm finished working I'm pretty pooped. I just need more than 6 hours of sleep at night . . . especially now that I'm running 30+ miles a week.


A few months ago I was having some minor health issues. The doc didn't know about my hectic schedule, but as he started to question me his eyes grew wide. He informed me that I needed at least 7 hours of sleep (being as busy as I am) but he would prefer me to have 8.


I was a good girl for awhile . . . and I'm telling you an hour more worth of sleep makes all of the difference in the world. I started thinking about it the other day. Basically getting 6 hours of sleep a night 7 days a week . . . that means I'm losing out on an hour of sleep that my body needs, which equates to a full night's worth when I add up all 7 days. It's rough some days, but God never promised us easy.


I'm so very incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful and loving man. He wants me to not be so tired and to be free from the pressure of working 10-12 hour days (that is my schedule with work plus homeschooling). But he knows what must be done for our family, and I know if he could take this pressure from me, he would. I had a friend of mine tell me recently that she loves the way she sees him constantly touching me . . . that it was like an admiration he had for me. Her sweet words stuck in my heart and my head . . . I'd never really thought about it that way . . . but obviously those around you can see things about your life that you're oblivious to. I don't deserve this sweet-hearted, gentle husband of mine, but, again. . . I'm living a fairy tale dream . . . a dream that can only be made possible because of God's grace.


So that is where I am . . . where I've been. I do miss blogging and commenting . . . but I'm just dry right now. I'm very grateful for my job though . . . it allows me to fulfill God's calling on my life. . . to be at home . . nurturing and educating my children . . . instructing them in the fear and admonition of the LORD. If that means I have to go without sleep . . . then so be it. I am my God's servant . . . to serve Him as He pleases in whatever way that may be.

The Has Beens . . . and The Never Was

So we have this friend . . . who is Ash's soccer coach . . .

He played soccer in both high school and college and is really good. . .

He also heads up an adult soccer league . . .

Jon thought it would be fun . . . so he gave it a try. . . Our friend put Jon on his team . . . which was a team full of dudes who'd played soccer in the past . . .

Their team name? The Has Beens. If you know Jon well you know he is a relatively quiet guy around people he doesn't know . . . but when he's comfortable . . . he's the life of the party. . .

So here he in on a soccer team and he only knows 1 guy . . . and feels like all the other guys know one another quite well. Plus to boot . . . it is quite intimidating for him to play on a soccer team and be the one who knows the least about the sport . . .

especially since in college . . . he was a "super star" in his intramural football, basketball, and softball teams. . . .

I've heard all of his stories at least a dozen times . . . .

I tease him and tell him when we are old that we will both be convinced in our minds that he actually played for the Georgia Southern Eagles (where we both went to college) and not just intramural teams. . .

As far as soccer? Who knows? His games are on Sunday . . . and it's a load of fun . . . he really is having a good time and getting better and better each game.

His first game I'd yell out "Go Baby" . .. that probably did not help his intimidation factor . . . sorry honey!!!

So Jon plays soccer on The Has Beens, but refers to himself as the never was :)

Her Last Year in Single Digits

We had such a big time celebrating Ashley's 9th birthday. For her birthday meal at home she requested macaroni and cheese and banana pudding?!? I had no idea she even liked banana pudding!!! I added some grilled chicken to her birthday meal . . . although I didn't make her eat it.

On Saturday she celebrated her birthday with our family and friends. My mom did a fantastic job with her soccer birthday cake. . . .

Let me tell you . . . when these kiddos were running upstairs, it sounded like a herd of elephants. It was so much fun!!!!

On Ash's birthday list was a new bike with gears. Jon has really gotten into biking and has bought himself a new bike that has a gazillion-jillion gears. . . so Ash wanted one too.

We called all the kids outside to tell them they were going to have to get some trash up . . .

She was so excited. The bike is so big Ash actually thought Jon had bought me a new bike . . .

In fact, the bike is so big she kind of has to hop to get on it.

There she goes . . . she loves it!!

Her birthday party actually turned into a slumber party. This was so unplanned, but I'm really working on just going with the flow . . . we had 5 little girls spending the night with us.

They all had a wonderful time.

Sunday morning I was quite concerned about how I was going to get myself, my 2 girls, and the 5 other girls all ready for church. And of all Sundays . . . this Sunday we had to be there a little earlier than normal . . .

Ask anybody who remotely knows me and they will tell you very rarely am I ever on time. Somewhere along the way I made up this rule in my head that as long as I am no longer than 15 minutes late . . . then I'm still on time . . . that's the definition of fashionably late in my book.

Jon was not here to help. He went out and did my Sunday morning paper run for me.

Guess what? We got to church and on time!!! The girls were all so pleasant. They actually all helped one another get ready. They would help fix one another's hair. One of the girls helped me ice the cinnamon rolls. It was really a lot of fun!

Alec spent the night with a friend . . . and for that I know he was grateful that he did not have to be in a house full of squealing girls.

I will say the difference between boy sleepovers and girl sleepovers is when boys come over . . . I just know to have plenty of food. Very rarely will I ever hear from them. They hang out and play . . . rarely is there ever any drama.

Now with girl sleepovers . . . I had to leave watching the GA game with Jon several times to go upstairs and mend hurt feelings, settle things in a calm and rationale way, tell everyone to include everyone else and no telling of secrets, to remind them to treat one another just like they want to be treated. . .

One time I headed back downstairs and all of the girls were upstairs watching the Hannah Montana movie. Jon and I heard the sweetest sound of their little voices singing . . . we snuck up the stairs so we could watch them. . . so sweet.

One minute they all are fighting like cats and dogs and the next minute they are kumbaya-ing with one another:) That's girls for you . . . both little girls and big girls.

A Beary Special Day

This year for the girls' birthday my Mom AKA Nanna took them to "Build a Bear". She did this for Ashley for her 3rd birthday and it was such a sweet experience for Ash, she wanted to do it again . . . even at 9 years old . . . I love that. I love how she likes her dolls still rather than chasing boys. So many girls at her age are trying to grow up too quickly and be so much older than what they really are.

First they picked out their stuffed animals . . .

Hanna changed her mind when she saw the bulldog. It reminded her of Max, so she immediately wanted this one. . . .

Next, they picked out a sound to go inside of their animal . . . Hanna picked a bark. Ash picked a musical sound. . . .

Next they had to pick out a heart and rub it on their tummy so it wouldn't be hungry, rub on the cheek so it smiled, rub it on it the forehead so it would be smart, then make a wish . . .

Here comes the fun part . . . dressing them. I knew Ash would pick a funky outfit . . . and she did. Hanna had such a hard time choosing. Finally she saw this one pair of shoes she just had to have for her dog. That's my girl . . . buying the pair of shoes first . . . then the outfit to match.

They had to dress their stuffed animals. Raising 3 girls Mom has LOTS of experience doing this. . . .

Here's to a beary special day with a beary special person. . . . Nanna

Poor Mom had not even had lunch, so we headed over to Sticky Fingers.

Next we headed to Barnes and Nobles. This is where I'm weak. . . shoes and books are my weakness. I can have 10 books I need to read and I still want more . . . I didn't even take my purse in. Mom treated me to Starbucks . . . and it was ever so yummy. . . . We had so much fun. We laughed so very much . . . and, of course. . . we were the loudest people in there.

Please Watch . . . It's Worth Your 7 Minutes

A friend shared this with me . .. please watch . . . and pray and be broken and be anguished . . . truly, mournfully anguished . . . oh, what a scary thing to pray . . . to pray to be anguished . . .most times it takes something drastic . . . oh, that our very hearts would so desire God Himself that NOTHING satisfy the pit of our longings until we seek him with our whole hearts. . . until we search for Him as we would for treasure.

I was so convicted by this video . . . convicted in my heart, in my eyes, and in my mind . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMG_PVaJoI

10 on the 10th

Nine years ago today at 7:35 AM I gave birth to one of the greatest joys in my life . . . Ashley was born on this day, and our world has not been the same since. In honor of Ash's birthday and Meredith's 10 on the 10th, I'm going to list 10 things I love about my sweet girl.

1. Her ability to gel where ever we are or whatever we are doing. . . but always staying true to herself. She can hang with the boys or get dressed up with the girls. I will never forget the day when she was 3 years old. She prances into our old church with a spider man shirt on (that belonged to Alec) and a pair of dress-up high heels. . . my kinda' girl.

2. Her silliness. . . Ash is the queen of silliness and she has one of those infectious giggles that you can make you laugh right along with her. Her giggle can truly make me laugh until my belly hurts.

3. Her thoughtfulness. One day she'd been saving up all of her change that she had collected from various places. Rather than spending the money on herself, she wanted time to be with me and me only. She treated me to CiCi's pizza with all of the money she'd worked so hard to save. Most children. . . heck, even most adults . . . wouldn't spend their money they'd worked so hard for to do something as selfless as this.

4. She has a heart of gold. This girl loves with her whole entire heart. . . no walls, no borders, no boundaries. She loves those around her with everything she's got.

5. When Webster wrote the definition to feisty, I hope he had Ashley in mind . . . because this girl is the very definition of feisty. I'm telling you, she can hang with the boys . . . outrun them, outsmart them, and outwit them. Nothing stops her. She is a ball full of determination.

6. Her persistence. . . We always say she needs to be a salesman. . . . because the kid will not take no for an answer. She will ask you the same question 500 different ways and keep asking and asking and asking. The word "No" does not scare Ashley. I really believe in her head she has this taped invisibly to the front of her brain, "If someone says No, just ask again. They'll change their mind." The thing is she also can do it in a way that is very charming. . . she is such salesman material. In this picture she was bound and determined to "fish" the hardest ring there was to catch. She persisted. . . and persisted. . . . and persisted. The girl thinks there is not anything she can't do. Around here we say Ash's philosophy is "Go BIG or go home." I love this about her!!!

7. Her servant's heart. This child teaches me so very much about serving. She is always willing to help and does so without complaining (unless it is kitchen duty . . . I have to be honest on that one). She is such an eager beaver to help, to serve, and to please . . . with a pep in her step.

8. She is a giver. I know I'm quite a bit partial because I am her mom, but those who know Ash would testify to this one. She is one of the most giving people I have ever known in my whole entire life . . . adults, kids, the elderly, whatever. . . Ash tops the cake when it comes to giving. She would truly give someone the very shirt on her back in freezing cold weather. . . and give it joyfully and insistently. Her giving inspires me, encourages me, and makes me ever so proud. She gives away her toys . . . even things that are new to her. Just about every time a child comes to our home, Ash will make sure they leave with something. I just love this picture of she and Hanna with their American Girl dolls. Ash would probably even give her American Girl doll to someone . .. if I'd let her.

9. She's such a hard worker. Hard work is something I admire in people, and Ashley is a very hard worker . . . even when she can't "get" something she will keep trying and trying until she does.

10. She gives the very best hugs . . . EVER!!! Just like she loves with her whole heart, she holds nothing back when it comes to a hug. She'll wrap her whole body around you if she could.

Ash, you are one of the very best gifts God has ever given me. You are an encouragement, an inspiration, and a breath of fresh air to all who are in your presence. I love your zest and zeal for life . . . never lose that sweet girl. I can't believe you are 9 today. Although there is much excitement in the air, there are tears in your Mama's eyes because I feel time is flying by too quickly. Oh how I wish I could just freeze it and keep you right where you are forever. . . right here with me. I love you more than you could ever know . . . yes, baby girl, even more than you love me. And one day, my sweet bundle of joy, you will have a child and you will see that a mother's love can never be measured. It goes beyond the deepest depth or the highest height.

Thank you Lord for the life of Ashley. She is certainly a gift I truly do not deserve. She is a living, breathing, walking example of your grace, and I thank you and praise you that you have entrusted her to Jon and I. How I pray Lord that in everything she does she seeks to glorify you, to live all of her days loving you, trusting you, and serving you. Thank you Lord for an incredible 9 years.

The Random Rundown

- College football is in full swing and my hubby is lovin' his favorite time of the year. Our GA Dawgs couldn't pull through a win on Saturday though. Jon would get so frustrated with their quarterback during the game. The kid has the flu . . . so the mom in me kept saying, "Well, he is sick." I guess my mercy overcomes my competitiveness.

-With the ushering in of college football, also came the ushering in of cable. Jon broke. I thought he probably would. He just loves, loves, love college football. I've really enjoyed not having cable so I don't have to fight with my kids about what they are and are not allowed to watch . . . and then when I want to do some things I want to do around here . . . I cave and give in. . . . for completely selfish and lazy reasons . . . I just don't want to put up the fight. I really only want them watching things that promote what we teach here at home. If you watch closely what your kids are watching. . . most TV shows (along with commercials) tear down alot of values we try to instill into our kids. We got this DVR thing so we will be recording things like "Little House on the Prairie," "Myth Busters," "Survivor Man," etc.

- On that note, I have actually loved having cable again. I really, really missed not watching Fox news. I really like Glenn Beck's program and I try to make sure I have it on at 5:00 if we are home.

-Meanwhile, while the hubby has been engrossed in football, I've been decorating our bedroom. Oh, it has been so much fun. I still have throw pillows to make for the bed. I've tried to be thrifty . . . although I did buy 2 new chairs for our bedroom. We are not really used to having a large master bedroom . . . and this room takes the cake on large . . . I ended up buying 2 chairs and 2 tables to fill in some of the space. It is coming together so nicely. I'll post pics when I'm finished. As far as accessories, I've been using what I have . . . I just pull out my favorite decorating tool . . . spray paint . . . it totally changes the look of everything. I know my neighbors behind me will be glad that I'm almost finished now. They are probably high from all of the spray paint fumes lingering over their way.

-We had a really great Sunday. . . it consisted of church, a small Sunday nap, and then off to a picnic at this beautiful farm. It was amazing . . . even though I did have a slight embarrassing moment. I was sitting around with some of our friends and I got up to go and find Hanna. I tripped over these fishing poles. Totally embarrassed I tell you. . . then I realized I had the fish hook in my toe. When I saw this I literally started seeing stars. I pulled it out. My friends kept asking me if I was okay. All I could do was incessantly giggle . . . the kind that makes your stomach hurt. Truth be known, my pride was more hurt than my toe.

- Yesterday for Labor Day I still woke up at 4 AM. No sleeping in for this chick. I had some catching up on things to do around here. . . when I work on projects all of the normal household duties fall by the wayside . . .My running friend and I decided to do our long run . . . 16 miles. Actually it was much better than last week. Last week we ran 14 miles . . . and because of the humidity, it was awful. It was so bad she called me later on to check on me . .. she felt that badly too. . . . shew, good thing, 'cause she's a much better runner than I am. I was really tired yesterday from the 16 miler, but I didn't feel bad. My legs and ankles hurt a good bit. I'm not quite sure as to why though. Today I feel great though. We went to Jon's parents to eat and Jon's brother and his family came up for a visit. It was a really nice visit with everyone.

-With talking about long runs, I guess it is pretty obvious I did sign up to run another marathon despite Big Time Budget 2009 Training with a partner has made a WORLD of difference. We only train together for our long runs, but having someone to talk to makes you forget about the pain and how tired you are. It also keeps me motivated. This will be her 18th marathon. . . yes, you read that correctly . . . 18th. Can you believe that? She is really quite an amazing person!!! My goal is to run it it in under 4 hours . . . and if somehow, I can pull out a time to qualify for the Boston, which is 3 hours 45 minutes . . . my family will be eating beans and cornbread for the rest of the year . . . 'cause I think I would love to somehow pinch every penny we have and sign up . . . even if it meant traveling up there all by myself (which I'd be scared to death to do). But to qualify with that time is a pretty lofty goal . . . so, we'll see.

- I don't know what is up with my quiet, shy Hanna, but in the last 2 weeks she has become loud, a tad obnoxious, and a little . . . just a little . . . extroverted . . .

-In the last 2 weeks our school schedule has not been as strict as I really like for it to be . . . with the death of my Papa and Ashley being sick last week I've had to be flexible. We did do school yesterday . . . not as strict, but today, it is up and at 'em at 7:00 AM for the kiddos and back to the grind.

I'm so wordy I could really go on and on, but I love having my time with the Lord at 6:30 on my front porch . . . weird? I'll post on why that particular time later. . . I'll leave you hanging. . . that way I know you'll come back.

Have a wonderful Tuesday everyone!!!

An Inquiring Mind Wants to Know . . .

Well, well now. . . next Saturday we all will be celebrating Ash's 9th birthday . . . 9 years have come and gone so quickly with this "fresh breath of air" little girl being in my life. As I am planning for her birthday party I always dread goody bags. It this just so very awful of me? When Alec and Ash were much smaller I'd really do up some goody bags for the guests, then after I had Hanna I just needed simple . . . so I just started stuffing a bunch of candy in bags.

But, is all of this really even necessary? Please don't think I'm being a prude . . . but maybe I am. Most of the stuff that my kids bring home in goody bags is just junk . . . junk that eventually gets thrown away. And candy? Like we need more sugar invading our teeth or our diets. My kids need more sugar like they need a hole in their head.

Does anyone remember when we all were growing up going to birthday parties and anticipating a goody bag? I know I don't. I was excited about seeing my friends and getting to eat cake and ice cream.

Sometimes I think it is pressure we moms feel from other moms . . . "well, they gave out goody bags at so and so's party, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." that sort of thing.

And it is not just my kids' birthday parties that I feel this way about goody bags with . . .it's other children also. I want to teach my children it is better to give than to receive . . . truly. That a birthday is about celebrating that particular person's life . . . not about what my kid is going to "get" from the party.

I'd love to know all of your thoughts on the goody bag thing. I applaud my friends who no longer do goody bags and who don't feel guilty about it either. See, I may not do goody bags, but I'll feel guilty about it.

What do you all think?

The Running Snob

Once upon a time, there was this Princess . . . and she ran. . . she loved to run . . . and everyone knew it. One day Prince Charming comes to her and said, "Princess, before we go to Queen Nanna and King Papa's, would you like to go ride bikes down some mountain bike trails?" Oh, the princess did love to get out and do things. She jumped on the chance and proceeded to put on her running shoes.

"No, princess, we are riding our mountain bikes. You really need some tennis shoes." Prince Charming informed her. You see, Princess had some really amazing shoes she ran in. They were not the typical royal running shoes . . . see, she was a princess, and her specialized . . . only fit for a princess running shoes . . . made her run faster and get attention and make new friends . . . all things the princess loved.

"Well, if I must put on those dreadfull tennis shoes that only ordinary runners wear, I guess I will," the princess said with a huff in her puff.

While huffing and puffing the princess decided that people who rode their bikes really do not sweat very much. She would not need her cute, royal running skirt and matching shirt that were sweat proof. Mere rags would do . . . after all, she and Prince Charming were going into the woods, and she wouldn't dare want to dirty up one of her fashioning running outfits.

Prince Charming informed the princess that she would be sweating, and she might want to reconsdier her biking attire. . .

"The nerve," thought the Princess. "He must not know that runners sweat way more than bikers. But, I love him so, and most of the time he is right. Plus, I think he really wants me to wear one of my really cute running skirts," the princess thought happily as she considered which one of her running outfits she would surprise Prince Charming with.

Now Princess had a very special running crown that she wore when wearing her cute running attire. It really held the sweat in also . . . preventing her makeup from running.
But Princess thought she would not need her running crown. There would be no need . . . for there would be no sweat. Runners sweat . . . bikers do not . . . they have fun and pretend like they are 10 year olds. There is a T-shirt that says, "My sport is your sports punishment."

"Yes," Princess thought to herself, "my sport is a biker's punishment . . . no need to dirty up the royal running crown in the nasty dirty woods. It shall stay put."

Prince Charming and Princess headed out to some biking trails. Princess was so excited. This was a piece of cake. It would be fun to pretend like she was 10 years old again and not have to push herself and breathe heavily and sweat like she does when she is running.

Off they go. The first hill comes. "Oh my," thought Princess as she held down both her front and rear brakes. "Ahh, I feel like I am riding a horse. These trails are so bumpy."

Meanwhile Prince Charming is riding these bumpy hills like he is an oversided child. Poor thing, he'd have to stop and wait on this Princess who certainly rode a bike like a very girly girl Princess.

Princess was huffing and puffing as she met up with Prince Charming. This time the huff in her puff did not come from her running snobbering. It came because the poor little thing was tired. The bike and the bike trails had beat the poor Princess up.

Over halfway through the trail Princess realizes she has lost her royal cell phone. Prince Charming was so patient and sweet. He really must've liked the way Princess looked in her running outfit. He very gently said, "Let's go back." And so they did. They retraced their route . . . and Prince Charming did what he always does . . . he saved the day . . . not on his white horse though . . . but on his blue bike. Prince Charming found the royal cell phone!!!! Hooray, Princess would not have to use her royal budget to buy a new one. He stole her heart once again.

Princess was humbled. She no longer had her perky, on-top-of her head pony tail. Her hair had fallen all over the place and she was too tired to reput the pony tail back up. She was sweating . . .yes, she didn't want to admit it, but she was. She then realized what a running snob she had been. Princess had a blast riding her bike and pretending like she was a very scared 10-year-old as she went down rocky, bumpy hills with both brakes held tightly.

It was such a tough ride and her legs ached so much that Princess was very concerned because the next day she was supposed to run 12 miles. Princess made it. She started out as a running snob but ended up as someone who loved riding her bike on trails with the man of her dreams . . . sweat, tennis shoes, royal running outfit and all.

And the Princess and Prince Charming loaded up their bikes and lived . . . .

Happily Ever After

THE END

The Things I want to Remember . . . The Things I Want to Forget

With Papa's passing I have so many swirling thoughts in my head . . . quite honestly, it is really hard to process them out on paper. . . so, I'm going to just do the very best that I can.

Some things I want to remember. . . .

• When I saw his body in the casket for the first time . . . the tsunami of tears came, uncontrollably . . . I knew it would happen. . . . it was the first time all of this became really, really real. It was one of those ugly cries . . . the kind that makes you shake. I didn't want to upset my Grandmama . . . so I went to the bathroom with my sister, composed myself, and immediately thought, "I want my Mama." I walk out of the bathroom, and there she was . . . there to hug me and comfort me in a way only a mother could comfort her child. It is really quite magical when you think about it.
• After the funeral home was empty I'm talking to my aunt about my Papa's last breath . . . she was holding his cold hand, watching his chest go up and down . . . the last breath she said was deep and heavy . . . she knew it was his last . . . as she's telling me this story I look over at the casket. My petite, dainty, beautiful Grandmama in a navy, almost black dress, leaning over my Papa's casket, putting his hands in the proper place and just "fixing" him . . . as I'm sure she'd done all of her years . . .making sure his tie was straight . . . and the American flag on his casket . . . it almost reminded me of an image you would see of Jackie O over JFK's casket. I pray my brain took a picture of that moment that will never escape my memory.
• My amazing friends . . . I don't even have words to describe what my friends coming to the funeral home or funeral means to me. They all went so far out of their way . . . it was an hour away from where we live . . . Candis, Stephanie, Lisa, Jennifer, Tiffani, Suzanne, and Terri . . . You will never, ever know how much you all being there touched me to the very core of my heart. My sweet, precious friend, Faith, I know you were there with us in spirit, and your prayers mean more to me than you could ever know. Julie, thank you for your very sweet text. Thank you all for being my friend. I love you all!!!
• Seeing my Dad crying at the funeral. I was really angry with him from the night before. He was sitting in front of me. Quite honestly I really did not want to console him at all . . .I know that is awful and ugly and very unChrist-like, but it was truly how I was feeling. I did pray for him as he mourned. Then in my spirit, I heard the Lord tell me . . . "You are to be the hands and feet of Jesus." I reached out to my Dad's back and rubbed his back with great mercy, tenderness, and compassion . . . only those things could have come from God Himself. When they closed the curtain the family was behind and the funeral was over. . . my Dad gets up out of his seat, and hugs me like he never has . . . ever. . . he was like a limp dishrag . .. all of his weight was thrust forward on me . . .and he bawled and sobbed and said, "I loved him so much." He grabbed my sister and we all stood there hugging one another.
• My Papa's sweet pastor and all of the very true and funny things he said about my Papa. . . like "I know one of the first things the Lord told Billy was, 'Billy, now there is no climbing the tree of life." Papa would climb trees up until about 2 years ago when he was diagnosed with cancer. Once he fell out of one and broke his back. We all would tell him he couldn't do things like that. He just didn't get that his body was not as young as his mind. The pastor also said, "Heaven's a little noisier now." Amen to that. . . Papa was a talker . . . mostly always talking about the Lord though. The pastor told a story of how when he first came to the church and the church didn't have much money how Papa would save the papers no one bought from the paper route. They'd store them in the church and once a month they'd take them to be recycled. The recycling center gave them 2 to 3 cent a pound for the papers. This money from the recycled papers supplied all of the toiletries for the church for 2 years. He told a story of what a hard worker Papa was . . . when they were building their new church building Papa was there cleaning up some sawdust. He would put the sawdust into big trash bags. He went to empty one of these bags into the dumpster . .. he threw it up high and the bag busted and saw dust went all over Papa. I can see Papa now jumping around like he had ants in his pants. The pastor said after Papa wiped his eyes that Papa looked around as if he was hoping no one saw him. . . he saw his pastor standing there and said, "Anybody but you. Anybody but you."
• Seeing my Uncle Herman who looks so very much like my Papa. I was very drawn to him . . . probably because he and Papa resemble one another so much. Guess what? He's a runner and so are his 2 daughters who are just a little younger than I am. He told me that Papa was very proud of my running and when he would come and visit him Papa would break out pictures of me in the marathon that I ran. If I never have any incentive for running again, this will give it to me. It honors me that Papa was so proud of me.
• Ashley asking to see Papa one last time before we went to the funeral. I took her to his casket and lifted her up to kiss him on the forehead. I kissed him myself. He was ice cold. I'd never kissed a dead body before.
• Alec's tenderness towards me during this time. He'd come up to me at the funeral home and just stand close beside me, asking me if I was okay. He'd come and give me random hugs. He was so very gentle and tender.
• This past Monday night Alec cried and cried and cried over the loss of Papa. It was so sweet.

Some things I want to forget. . .

• my Dad was very drunk at the funeral home. . . he literally treated it like he was in a bar. He kissed a friend of mine on the side of her forehead . . . never having met her before. I was mortified!! He would go to the casket and yell, "Get up Daddy. Get up." He was so dishonoring and disrespectful and it flew all over me. His wife is there waiting on him and he pulls up with his girlfriend. It was just awful, plan awful. He grabbed my nephew and said, "Come here you little brat." I was so ashamed when people would say to my sister and I, "Are you both Mike's girls." I would say through clenched teeth, "Yes." That is why I was so angry with him at the funeral. I know everyone grieves differently, but he was so drunk it was disgusting. The whole time I would just think and pray, "I hope Grandmama is so out of it she doesn't know what he's doing." I almost didn't put this on here, but I am always hopeful that Daddy will one day accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior and what glory and honor it will bring to the Lord to have a man like my Dad . . . someone who thinks he is saved, but who is very lost . . . come to repentance and a saving knowledge of Jesus. I will never stop praying, never stop believing, and never give up hope over my Dad.

My precious Grandmama is beside herself. She says the house is so quiet. Papa was always calling her to do something for him, the oxygen tank was always going . . . and now . . . quiet. She misses him so very much. She told me this morning she just hasn't been able to cry over his death yet. She wants to. She said she thinks it will make her feel better. . . .she just can't cry. Please lift her up in your prayers. Thank you so much.

To all of my blogging friends. . . thank you all for your very sweet comments and mostly for your prayers. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy days to read what's going on in my life and to take the time to comment. You all bring a smile to my face.

Precious

Back in May Grandmama and Papa celebrated 60 years of marriage. I was so busy at the time I wasn't blogging very much. I thought this would be an appropriate time to share some pictures.

I've been pretty strong emotionally up to this point. I had a good cry yesterday morning and then a good cry on a 5-mile run. I know some would see this has a bad thing, but I'm used to being strong for those I love. Don't worry I do grieve and normally when it comes I won't be able to stop it. I just really want to be there for my Daddy and my sister right now.

I sat with my Dad yesterday. He didn't know I was coming. Frankly I don't even know if he will remember that I was even there. He is really torn up. I just reiterated to him over and over and over again. . . there is such peace in knowing where Papa is. I couldn't imagine bearing the burden that he was being tormented in hell.

After the 3rd time I spoke with my Grandmama yesterday she started sounding better. That gives me great comfort.

There are 3 of us grandchildren (my sister couldn't make this because she lives in Texas). Grandparents are so very important to their grandchildren. They can give them things parents simply cannot. I am so very thankful my children have amazing grandparents who love them like crazy.

My poor Daddy. Sometimes he can make me so mad I want to spit nails at him. I'd love to say I'm full of mercy and grace towards him. . . but there are just times when I am not. Sometimes though I look at him . . . and you can see such pain in his eyes . . . borderline torment . .. and then my heart breaks into a million pieces for him . . . and God fills me with mercy and grace overflowing so that I can extend it to my Dad. You see, the mercy and grace does not come from me. I'm just a wretched sinner like my Dad, saved by grace. The only difference between my Dad and I is that I have accepted God's grace and His son, Jesus. I have accepted Jesus as both Lord and Savior of my life. Again, it takes both. He cannot be one without the other. My Dad has refused this in his life. My Dad's sin is no worse than my sin . . . mine is just covered by the blood that Jesus shed on Calvary.

A Day to Celebrate

Early yesterday morning I get a call from my Dad. He was letting me know about events that had occurred with my Papa since Sunday. Papa has started losing control over his bladder. He is in a wheelchair all the time because he is too weak to walk and his bones are so fragile. My Dad has to go over there every night to put Papa in the bed. However, it hurts for him to be touched . . . his bones hurt that badly.



I hated the thought of my energetic, happy-go-lucky Papa not being able to control his bladder function. I just know he was humiliated. I hated the thought of my Grandmama and my Dad and my 2 aunts having to be there to slowly watch, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute for this cancer monster to overtake my Papa's sweet body.



On the way to Alec's band practice yesterday I had this overwhelming urge to call my Grandmama and just tell her I loved her and was praying for her. She told me they were actually at the hospital. Papa was gasping for air and his blood pressure was very low.



I prayed . . . earnestly . . . all day long a simple prayer, "Lord, please take him home." As I cooked dinner yesterday I put on a CD of hymns and talked with the Lord just asking him to relieve my Papa of his suffering.



As I drifted off to sleep I continued praying, "Lord, please take him home."



God answered my prayer. My Papa had the joy and privilege of meeting Jesus face to face last night. I found this out at 4:15 this morning. My Dad knows I'm up at 4:00 and I can just imagine him waiting for me to wake up so he could tell me. He's very upset. This is the 4th time in my whole life I've ever heard/seen my Dad shed tears. Please pray for him. I told my Grandmama this morning this will either make him change for the better or the worse. I'm praying God will soften his heart and my Dad will see the sin in his life and his need for Jesus.



Please also pray for my aunts and my Grandmama. I spoke with Grandmama this morning. She just wants us all to be together. The thing is I refuse to mourn his death. I, however, WILL celebrate his life. I will not wear black to the funeral or funeral home . . . only bright happy colors. I will consistently remind everyone of where he is now. I couldn't imagine or even bear the thought of him being in hell being tormented for all of eternity. I know with absolute assurance he is with Jesus . . . it is not just a coping mechanism. The Bible tells us that Christians will be known for their fruit. . . and fruit was so very evident in my Papa's life.

I can't help but wonder after he saw Jesus and worshiped Him, what did he do next . . . who did he see first? What crowns or rewards did he receive and when or has he received them yet? I haven't lost anyone close to me as an adult . . . with that being said, my imagination just runs a little wild . . . wondering . . . .


Ash outwardly took it the hardest of all the kids. The child is so much like me . . . very verbal with her emotions (both good and bad). She went and got a snow globe Grandmama and Papa gave her last year for Christmas. She is carrying it around with her now. Alec cried a little bit and said, "He was always so happy." Hanna hid her tears. I know this because I saw her wet little face with tears, yet they had gone from her eyes. I explained to them Papa had received the prize.


I love you Papa. You will live in my heart forever. One day I will see you again. I praise Jesus and thank Him for that hope. You will be greatly missed.

For Today . . .

FOR TODAY
Outside my window...it is really nice outside. The sun is shining
I am thinking...I spend way too much time on the computer. It is just a waste of time. There are so many more fruitful things I could engaging my mind in.
I am thankful for...my life . . . although it has its set of trials and tribulations I know God uses them very purposefully in my life and the lives of those around me.
From the learning rooms...Ash is doing her schoolwork. Alec is having his quiet time. Hanna is finished (for now)
From the kitchen...toast for everyone this morning.
I am wearing...my running clothes. I just got back from a 12.5-mile run.
I am creating...nothing right now. I'm going to learn to knit soon, which I'm super excited about. I need to make some curtains for my family room and start making throw pillows for the master bedroom.
I am going...to spend less time on the computer and more time in the Word.
I am reading...a lot . . . "Systematic Theology," "The Mosaic of Christian Belief," "Loving the Lord Your God with all of Your Mind"
I am hoping...Jon will find a job in God's perfect timing according to God's perfect plan.
I am hearing...footsteps going up and down the stairs. My girls sweet little voices chattering away.
Around the house... laundry really needs catching up. I tried to do it this weekend when the kids were away, but Jon said no way, it could wait . . . I didn't argue with him:)
One of my favorite things...oh I have so many. . . my family, my parents, my home, good Godly friends.
A few plans for the rest of the week: Band practice, guitar, ballet, soccer, a cookout with some friends this weekend, a homeschool mom get together
Here is picture thought I am sharing...a picture of my sweet sister. I miss her like crazy (especially since I hardly talked to her last week. . . we normally talk 2 or 3 times a day). I wish she were back home.

Road Trip

The day before yesterday, the day I was trying to be flexible and I wasn't bending very much, my friend Lisa called. I told her I only had a few minutes to talk and I sounded like the micro machine man talking . . . remember him from the 80s TV commercials? I was trying to talk fast and let her know what had been going on this week. I told her I'd be leaving for St. Simons in the morning . . . just for the day.

She told me, "I'll go with you. My hubby's off." WHAT? I tried to tell her we'd have to be up and at 'em and ready to go at 4:45 AM. She didn't care. She wanted to go. That's a great friend right there. She didn't want me to have to be on the road that much by myself . . .plus, she knew it'd be a fun girls' trip.

She was right. We had so much fun. We talked and laughed and just had a wonderful time. We didn't even turn the radio on . . . once. We gabbed away so long . . . it was so fun.

When we got to the island I drove her around and showed her some of the spots she hears me talk about. We then went to the condo that my in-laws are considering purchasing. Then we hung out with them and looked at some more houses. . . then went back to the condo they own now. My MIL showed her around. It was really a lot of fun. Lisa is like one of the family. After we wrapped up all the real estate business, we headed to one of Jon and I's favorite places to eat on the island. . . Barbara Jeans.

She was really an amazing help to me. When the inspector started talking what sound liked "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" to me, Lisa knew exactly what he was saying. She translated in Michele terms for me.

Thank you Lisa for being such an amazing friend and for making work so much fun. You made a 9-hour round trip car ride seem like 1 hour. I had a blast with you girl!! I love you. It meant so much to me that you took a day away from your family to be with me and make my day so much sweeter . . . and better . . . and fun! Thanks for being so flexible when I had to meet my Mom and Jon and the kids so I could get hugs and kisses from them before they left to go out of town.

God has really blessed me with some amazing girlfriends. Four of them called while we were on the road to check on me . . . sweet, blessed friends I have. Suzanne, Candis, Tiffani, and Jennifer . . . thank you all for being with Lisa and I in spirit . . . thank you for your love and care and concern. I love you all!!!

"Blessed are the Flexible

for they shall not be bent out of shape. "

I have this saying on a picture that will eventually go in my kitchen (it was in my old house and just hasn't made its way to the walls here yet). Boy, have I had to remind myself of this truth this week.

We had 2 amazing weeks of school. I should have known it would hit. . . but, I'm thinking I'm so scheduled, very prioritized this year . . . I should have been more prepared for the things that would DEMAND my attention.

We've really had what I call "abbreviated homeschooling" this week . . and I hate it. What that means is we've done the basic subjects, what was required. . . no more, no less.

I've spent a total of 5 hours between doctor's offices and hospitals this week. Alec noticed this hard knot on his wrist on Monday. I called my mom (a nurse). She is very cautious (guess that's where I get it from) and told me of a scenario she saw like this one except it involved the leg of a boy a little older than Alec. I slightly freaked out, googled it, freaked a little more, then head to doc in a box (that's what we call the Urgent Care Centers). We waited at doc in a box for 2 hours to get back to our room, then after we were in the room we waited another hour. I alerted the nurse (as per the sign to do after 30 minutes of waiting). She told me she'd be right back. . . she never came. I was literally famished. I had run 9 miles that morning, hardly eaten anything, and I was literally closing my eyes as we waited.

So. . . I told all 3 kids (Jon was in Atlanta for the day) to get their things . . . we were leaving.

I called Alec's pediatrician the next day . . . went and saw him. . . went to the hospital for x-rays . . .called my friend Candis, R.T.R. to find out if she had any guesses as to what this could be. She told me to make sure I got a copy of the x-rays. They gave them to me on a CD. I got home, put it in my computer, looked at the images and tried to diagnose him myself.

The doc called this morning. Now mind you . . this is his wrist. . . his ulna (if you want specifics) that is having some pain and this hard knot . . .well apparently he has dislocated his elbow. W-H-A-T?!? He is going to an orthopedist tomorrow. His pediatrician even called the radiologist to confirm that it was his elbow. And, we relooked on the x-rays . .. sure enough . . . Strange, I tell you. Please pray for him if you think to.

Me and my control mom self so wants to take him. I can't. I've got to go to St. Simons for the day. My in-laws are so graciously using me as their real estate agent to buy another condo. Praise the Lord . . . He is providing even though Jon has put in over 30 resumes and has heard NOTHING from anyone.

Anyhoo. . . I will work tonight . . . get up in the a.m. and leave bright and early at 5:00 a.m., drive 4-1/2 hours, open up the house for the inspector . . . show them a few other houses. . . meet the inspector back at the house to see what he finds . . . leave St. Simons, drive back home 4-1/2 hours. Get the kids (or maybe meet the kids and Jon at my Mom's). I teased with Jon and told him since I had to wait about 2 hours for the inspector I was taking my bathing suit and a book and going to the beach. Seriously . . . I would do this, but my MIL wants to see a few more houses while I'm down there. This will save me a trip and also help them make a decision about what to buy.

I would love to say I've handled these things with grace and dignity, peace and calmness, smiling from ear to ear . . . I'd love to say that I haven't been bent out of shape. I'd love to say that I've been flexible and upbeat and positive.

No such luck. . . I've been very bent out of shape, extremely emotional . . . yes, there were tears. I really refused at the beginning of this homeschooling year to let anything interfere whatsoever. . . Well this is life, and this is whatsoever, and it must be handled.

If this real estate transaction goes through it will provide us with another 3-months' salary, which is huge!! God is working, and He is so good. Alec's arm is going to be fine. His diagnosis could have been so much worse. I just get a schedule in my head and I'm a stickler if I don't stick to it. . . I've had to repent of my ungratefulness and my attitude and my inability to handle pressure with grace. . . and learn . . . to be flexible. Thank the Lord I'm a work in progress, and He hasn't given up on me.

Badump, Badump

Oh Hanna . . . my sweet, sweet Hanna. . . . my Hanna who has a hard time expressing her feelings in words. I call her my turtle. Because whenever she is sad, or her feelings are hurt, she will hide her head . .. most of the time under a blanket. If she doesn't have a blanket nearby she'll run off to be by herself.

Her not expressing her feelings is very foreign to me . . . as I am one who probably overexpresses my feelings . . . not in a confrontational way though. . . I avoid confrontation like the plaque. . . but I'm certainly one to let my family know how I'm feeling.

The other night she fell asleep on the couch before dinner. We tried to wake her up, but no such luck. She woke up and then laid on the kitchen floor in front of the breakfast table. A little later I noticed she was gone. I thought she'd made her way upstairs to go to bed.

I go to get on the computer and I hear this muffled sound of sobbing. I go into my bedroom (which is next to the office) and I see this lump under the covers.

It was Hanna, and she was sobbing uncontrollably. I had no idea what was wrong with her.

I lay down beside her and try to coerce her to put into words how she is feeling. This requires great patience on my part . . . she's a tough cookie and is hard to drag things out of.

As I persist in talking to her, so that she will talk to me . . .she tells me nothing. All I hear are her sobs.

I say to her, "Hanna, baby, please tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if you don't tell me what is wrong. Tell me what your heart is saying."

She stops crying, looks at me with her red, swollen eyes and says, "Badump, Badump."

Oh my, I could not control my laughter. She's so much like Jon . . .doesn't like anything serious . . . loves silliness . . . will be silly to cover up the seriousness.

Come to find out, she was hungry . . . all of that because the child was hungry.

You Must Go Back to the Bathroom

Dear Alarm Clock,

I thought when we moved into this new house I could have you near me. I know you started to miss me in our old home, as you sat on the bathroom counter. I would only visit you twice a day; once to turn you on, once to turn you off. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

However, I knew you would need to be near me in a strange, new home. . . so, against my better judgement I put you beside my bed. I believe you are starting to get pretty spoiled.

Rather than visiting you twice a day, I visit you 3,4, 5 times . .. sometimes more depending on how much sleep I need or how lazy I'm being. You sound off your horn to wake me up. I pat you one time. Ten minutes later you need me again . . . you sound off, I pat you . . . and again and again the cycle continues.

Alarm clock, your neediness is causing me to get very behind in my day. I pat you once, then twice, then 3 times . . . and before I know it, an hour has passed.

So tonight . . . back to the bathroom you go. We will resume our old relationship. I plan on visiting you twice a day. . . once to turn you off and once to turn you on . .. that's it.

Hopefully now that I am setting boundaries with our relationship I can get out of the bed and have a more productive day. Don't be angry. This is what is best for the both of us.

Good night.

Marriage Meme

An old high school friend sent me this Meme over Facebook. I thought it'd be fun to post on my blog.

1. What are your middle names? My middle name is Michele and Jon's is Ashley . . . guess who Ash is named after?

2. How long have you been together?almost 14 years.

3. How long did you know each other before you started dating? about 4 months.

4. Who asked who out? He asked me out.

5. Whose siblings do you see the most? Probably Jon's, but it could be a toss up? All of our siblings live out of town.

6. Do you have any children together?3

7. What about pets?1, almost blog-worthy dog named Cookie.

8. Did you go to the same school?We both went to Georgia Southern, but at totally different times. Jon had already graduated when I was going to school there

9. Who is the most sensitive?Me!!!

10. Where do you go out to eat most as a couple?Probably Mexican

11. Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?Bahamas I guess. Maybe Texas. . . I'm not sure which one is further, but the Texas trip was with our family.

12. Who has the craziest exes? Neither

13. Who has the worst temper?it's a toss up. I can be quite a little fireball. I probably get ticked off quicker and easier than Jon . . . so I guess it's not really a toss up then?

14. Who does the cooking?Me, although Jon is a much better cook than I am. Jon does cook breakfast a good bit.

15. Who is more social?Me definitely.

16. Who is the neat freak?Neither . . .

17. Who is the most stubborn?Jon

18. Who hogs the bed? We both have our own sides of the bed. In fact, before we got this bed we have now we literally had a hump in the middle of our bed . . . Jon stays to his side and I stay to mine.

19. Who wakes up earlier?Me

20. Where was your first date?To "The Roxy" in Atlanta to see a Candlebox concert. I didn't even know who they were. We met some of Jon's college buddies up there.

21. Do you get flowers often?Nope.

22. How long did it take to get serious?Not long. We were really good friends and once we started dating it probably took about 2 weeks for us to say we would not date anyone else. In fact, Jon told me on our first date I was just like someone he had always pictured himself marrying.

23. Who eats more?Jon.

24. Who sings better? We're both pretty bad.

25. Who does the laundry?Me.

26. Who’s better with the computer?Jon by a long shot. I can type fast, but other than that I'm no good on the computer.

27. Who drives when you are together?Jon . . . we fight when I drive :) If you've ever ridden with me you know why :)

28. Who picks where you go to dinner?Both. . . we're pretty good about agreeing on things like that.

29. Who wears the pants?Jon . . . although he is a good "pants wearer". I pretty much get what I want . . . within reason. . . but Jon ALWAYS has final say so . . . and I'm so grateful its that way. If I had final say so, we'd be in a heap of trouble: ) Plus . . . this is the way Christ designed the marriage.

30. Who has the better sense of humor? Jon.

31. Who eats more sweets?Jon.

32. Who cries more?Me

33. What's your favorite tv show together? The Office.

Thursday Ramblings

If you clicked on this post all you'll get is just a bunch of rambling, but I'm trying to be a more consistent blogger . . . so here it goes. . . this is just daily life . . .and no "event" happening.

- Ash had some of her braces taken off today and reapplied. . . something about them needing to be higher. It is amazing how good my baby's teeth look! I'm so proud for her.

-I've noticed when everyone is doing their schoolwork quietly, Hanna seems to hum a good bit. Sweet little thing . . . she must always have a song in her heart. It's not the kind of humming where she is trying to be a nuisance . . .it's just plain sweet. Maybe that is why she's so easygoing and delightful.

-Alec is still a booger when it comes to school. He's always been the one to give me the most trouble. Sometimes that kid makes me wonder if I'm fit to be a mom at all. Good thing I have my girls. . . I don't know with Alec if it b/c he is a boy and I'm what some would refer to as a "girl" mom . .. you know if you identify better with your girls or boys. I've had several conversations with friends who have both boys and girls. . . and they can definitely identify identifying with either the boys or the girls better than the other. As I sit and type this Alec is ranting and raving about his Math. One good thing is that kid sure keeps me praying. He is been a hard kid since he was about 8. I always have high hopes that he'll get easier . . .so far, no dice. Who knows? Maybe there is such friction between he and I because maybe we're a lot alike . . . or not very much alike . . . I don't know. . . but one thing is for sure he drives me nuts. . . and I drive him nuts . . . that is the ONE thing he and I can agree on. I've threatened already once this year to put him in school. I feel he is so very difficult, yet when I sit back and observe him around other kids his age . .. . I notice he really is a good boy. I remember being that way growing up. I gave my mom such a hard time . .. yet around other people I was very pleasant and delightful. . . maybe that's the issue? I love him like crazy, but there are days when I have to really make myself like him. If that makes me a bad mom, then so be it . . . it is what it is.

-My girls are so very sweet though. . . . super encouragers the both of them are. I can see us all being the very best of friends when they are all grown up. Just about every time I get ready . . . you know . . . the hair, the makeup, the clothes, the works. . . either one of them or both of them will say, "You look pretty Mom." I guess they are just easier for me . . . so it makes me want to be around them and enjoy them more. . . and I do, I really enjoy my girls . . .

-Alec just had an explosive anger outburst. . . I told him no going to band practice . . . he stormed off to his room. . . . he's back now . . . being a smarty pants to Ash . . . The girls are sitting here at my desk. They just put the dog in the chair with me. Ash has her Math book and is compliantly doing what she's supposed to. Hanna is hugging on Cookie.

-Jon really wants a road bike. He's researched them to the hill. . . he walked in this morning from taking Ash to the orthodontist with a bike helmet on his head. . . cracked me up I tell you. He makes me laugh like crazy and makes this journey of parenthood much more bearable. He just got in from a bike ride/run (on his cheapo Walmart bike). His words to me as he walked up the steps, "Oh baby, that is going to take some getting used to." It's hard I'm telling you. I tried it a couple of weeks ago . . . haven't done it since.

- Here goes Alec . . . getting in trouble for his attitude with school . . . gotta go.

Happy Thursday.