Missing Him

The "Fab 5" (Jon's name for our family) just isn't complete or whole when a member is missing.  Things just seem a little out of place.  It's Thursday. . . only one more day until my boy his home.

I heard his voice on Monday.  Todd, our youth pastor, made him call his mama.  Our conversation? Short and sweet.  In fact, I could tell he didn't want to talk.  Oh. . that breaking away. . . that desire for independence.  I remember it.  It's buried deep within my blood.  In fact, now, the older I get the more I need my mama.  In my brain I actually need my mama more now at 35 than I ever thought I did at 14, 15, or 16.  It's a season, and I know that.

As the girls and I have gone throughout our day, here's some things I've missed.

**When the girls spent the night with Melissa.  I called to check on them and almost asked about Alec.

**When I went to pick them up. . . I expected to get Alec as well. . . weird, just weird.

**Every night we call crawl in Jon and I's bed together and watch TV, read a family book, or just laugh and giggle.  Each person has their place on our bed. . . especially we firstborns who love order and routine and hate change.  I'm on the end closest to the window with my head at the headboard.  Alec's feet are always near my head.  He lies on his belly and props himself up, on the edge, right beside me.  I've missed his size 13s in my face.

** I've missed hearing the shower run for 30 or so minutes every morning.

** I've missed kissing the nape of his neck when he greets me good morning.

** I've missed his smell (Old Spice body wash).

**I've missed just him telling me about this, that, and the other.

**I've missed seeing him at the school table diligently doing his schoolwork.

**I've missed seeing him plopped on the couch while the girls and I make dinner.

**I've missed seeing him sit at his place at the table.  He left his bag right beside his seat.  I left it right exactly where I put it.

**I've missed kidding around with him, playing popping his arm when he says something to make me laugh.

**I've missed seeing him go in the pantry 100 times a day.

**I've missed him telling me he's hungry.

**I've missed hearing his loud music from his room.

Although I will restrain myself so as not to embarrass him, I can't wait to see him and wrap my arms around him. I hugged him tight Sunday before we left for church.  I knew he'd be mortified if I acted that way in front of everyone.  In fact, I was hanging out a little bit while they were all eating lunch before departing.  He very sweet and very respectful quietly said to me, "Mom. . . you can leave now."

I then saw him sit at a table by myself.  Ouch.  That hurt my heart.  I'm acting like he's 5 and he's going to Kindergarten.  While that would mortify me, I then remembered that he probably wanted to sit at a table by himself. I then saw his buddy, Noah, join him.

Although I've been tempted to text Todd, I haven't.  I did however, send an APB out to Alec's 2nd mama. . . my friend, Faith.  I told her to shhh, but I was missing my boy.  She reported back that he was doing great, doing everything he was asked, telling me she sure did love him.  Shew. . . brought relief to my heart.