And to think . . . I said NEVER!!!

"Never, ever, never will I NOT wear a 2 piece swimsuit."

"It makes me feel young."

"I work hard for how I look."

"I want my husband to KNOW he has the best lookin' wife at the water park."

"I love it when people say to me I don't even look like I've had even 1 baby, much less 3."

Yes . . . confession is good for the soul. The above quotes are things I have said outloud, and, if I haven't said them outloud . . . I am very much ashamed that I have thought them . . . many times.

For as far back as my memory goes my stomach has always seen Mr. Sunshine during the summer. Even when I was preggo with Hanna, when there was no one at the pool we join, I'd pull up my 2-piece maternity bathing suit and get some sun on my belly.

I have always said that swimsuit shopping is not fun for any woman. . . whether you are a size 2 or a size 22. We, as women, have branded ourselves to find things about our bodies we dislike. For me, it is my small chest size . . . just keepin' it real folks!! But other than that I have always loved the way I looked in a 2 piece.

So, why in the world, would I have bought a tank top swimsuit this year. Yes, it is still a 2-piece, but my stomach is covered. I look like I have on more than just a thick material version of my bra and panties. Why? It is called conviction. Conviction of the very truest sense. . . the deep down in my heart kind of conviction.

Now every summer my girls always want a 2-piece like their mom. Jon will not allow it. I've always kinda stayed out of this argument they've had with him over this. I just felt hypocritical telling them they can't wear something that I'm wearing myself. Jon would tell me, "You are a grown woman. You can do what you want. They are little girls, and they are not going to wear a bikini. The tank top 2 pieces are fine, but nothing that shows more skin than that."

Okay, 'nuff said. I cared more about the way wearing a bikini made me feel more so than being a good example to my girls.

That is . . . . until about 2 months ago. I've been doing an extremely in-depth Bible study on Daniel since January. God has given me a ferocious appetite for His word through this study, and He has changed my heart in places I didn't even know needed changing.

The study of Daniel is broken into 2 parts . . . 1) being IN the world but not OF the world 2) prophecy. During the first part of the study God started dealing with me about modest dress. I dress pretty modestly. Don't get me wrong . . I will accessorize like crazy, but when I wear a halter top it has a shirt under it that covers my shoulders. I am 5'8" so finding shorts is rather hard for me. I wear the knee-length shorts or jeans (even in the hottest of the Southern heat). But the Holy Spirit really got to me when He started addressing the issue of my swimsuit.

Ouch, it hurt. But I realized and I cared way down deep in my heart . . . that I am setting a poor example to my girls about how they should clothe themselves . . . even in a swimsuit. My son is on the verge of puberty, as are most of his friends . . . I always thought I wanted to be known as the "pretty mom." God has changed my heart. I now want desperately to be known as the "mom who aggressively pursues the very heart of God." I told God this was going to be extremely hard for me . . .to give up my bikinis . . . weird maybe? But it is something I have always symbolized with youth . . . a word our culture cleaves to. I told God He was going to have to help me not cave in and wear them this summer . . . that I needed Him to keep after my heart about this issue . . . and I asked Him over and over again to not let me ignore this conviction of His Holy Spirit.

As I would talk to God about my bikini and ask for His forgiveness of my immodesty, He began to show me things I had never even realized before. Like .. . . a bikini is no different than my bra and panties . . . just thicker material. I am showing the world a sexy middrift that should only be kept private between my husband and I. Why in the world would I want to expose myself in this way? Who knows, God could have been telling me this for years? It just took me this long to get it through my hard head.

So before summer began, I went to my kids and talked to them about what God had been doing in my heart. I told them I had been wrong wearing a bikini all of these years. . . . that I was dressing inappropriately and immodestly.

Now, please don't think I judge those who wear skimpy bikini bathing suits. Judgement is the last thing you'd get from me in this area. . . .after all I was just there.

I have a very cute tankini that I am sporting this year. My tan line will be different this year and for the years to come. No longer will those around me see my middrift. . ..

. . . . and to think. . . I said NEVER!!! Never say never. . . . especially when God captures your heart and gets ahold of you!!!