So. . . here it is. . . getting it all out in the open

I think anyone who has been blogging consistently for a good while has probably been in the place I just came out of .. . after all you put your hopes, your feelings, your thoughts, your very lives out there in the open for everyone and anyone to read about, right?

We all have different reasons we blog.

. . .Some want to make life better than what it really is. . . tending to embellish things with words a wee bit
. . . Some tend to be more on the negative side. . . tending to emphasize our negative emotions and be a bit of a drama queen. . .
. . . Some blog to have a creative outlet, to have a hobby of sorts
. . . Some have developed amazing life-long friendships from blogging
. . . Some blog for company. . . while in the confines of home life day-in and day-out, some blog to feel like they have company
. . .Some blog to let friends and family know what is going on with the daily grind of life

And. . . some blog for the same reason I do. . . to have a record/journal for their families. That is why I blog. In fact, I so desire to be truthful and honest with our lives, I have my hubby read my blog to keep me in check. . . and he will DEFINITELY let me know if I have misconstrued things on here.

I recently went through a time where I wouldn't blog about things going on because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. . . . whether I was afraid their feelings would be hurt because they weren't included in something. . . whether I was going through growing pains in different relationships in my own life. . . things I wanted to document so my children can see truly what type of woman their mother is. . . I felt very bound by blogging. . . very inhibited. . . because. . . the last thing I would EVER want to do is hurt anyone. . . that is never my intent. . . so I would just be silent. . . OR, I would beat around the bush. . . I just felt so.very.insincere.

So. . . I thought about giving up blogging all together. . . .

That thought didn't last long. This blog is too special to me.

So, I decided to start a new blog. . . oh, I wince as I type those words. . . I told no one here on this side of the computer. . . not my Mama, not my sisters, not my friends, not my children. . . only Jon.

His first question was, "What are you going to say when people ask you why you aren't blogging?"

Oh it was easy, peasy, I thought, "I'll just say 'I'm Mama in High Heeled out'."

Easier said than done.

Because in the last few weeks several people have asked me about blogging.

Not once have I said what I thought I would say.

Not once did I not feel like I was being dishonest.

I would kind of hem-haul around, hoping the subject would change quickly. I've even said things like,"I still think in blog mode", which is very true. . . just not totally true. You know what a half-truth is? A lie!!!

Yuck!! I felt so very yucky at my sin. . .

Authenticity and sincerity are so very important to me.

So, I just had to get it out. I, of course, repented to my Lord, and asked His forgiveness.

And now, here I am at mamainhighheels.blogspot.com . . . confessing before you all and asking for your forgiveness. . . for anyone I have misled. . . please forgive me. My intent was never to hurt anyone's feelings or heart or to make anyone mad. . . I just needed to time to break away. . .

Now, the next question, what to do about my previous feelings? Of feeling like I was in blog jail?

Well, here I am, a vessel of clay, being molded and shaped in the the image of Jesus Christ every day. . . all becuase of His grace. . . certainly nothing in and of myself. . .

I will say things or do things that people disagree with.

I will hurt people's feelings. . . unwilling and unintentionally, I pray.

I will make people mad and offend people because I will post things that I am convicted about to the very core of my being.

But. . . from here on out, I will be bold, brash, and honest. . . no holds barred.

To those who want to join me, please do so, I invite you to join in this new-found freedom.

For those who are mad and never want to read this blog again, I SOOOO understand.. . and I still love you.

Please understand, it would have been very easy for me to have hit the "new post" button, typed in what I did last week, and act as if nothing had ever happened. That would have been the easy road.

But, I am willing to take the hard road. . . all because virtues like honesty, authenticity, sincerity. . . are all virtues I hold very dear. . . and, although I fail daily, I am striving to be more and more like my Savior, Jesus Christ.